MOLLY
Look, Kymmie, I lost my tooth! Miss Miriam pulled it! And the Tooth Fairy is coming! And look, this one's loose, too!

BONNIE
I'm going to draw a picture for Santa!

ME
Wow, Molly, that's great!

BONNIE
I'm going to draw a picture for Santa!

ME
Why, Bonnie?

BONNIE
I don't know!

ME
Well, I don't really see much point, as it's April!

BONNIE
Yeah.

MOLLY
Kymmie, it's May!

ME
O yeah, you're right.

BONNIE
Look, I'm skating! Where's the fucking cheese?

ME
Alright, Bonnie, knock it off, no more. Good girl.

MOLLY
Do you know what? One time Mommy was at the dojo and she was climbing a ladder and she fell down and then the whole ladder fell down!!

ME
When was this?

MOLLY
O, a long time ago, when I was three.

BONNIE
And I was three!

MOLLY
No, I was three and Bonnie was, um, one.

BONNIE
Molly is five and and I am three and it's Molly's birthday and it's my birthday and I am skating for Santa!

ME
Actually, Bonnie, it is someone's birthday today, do you know whose it is?

BONNIE
Molly's!

ME
No, it's Katie's, today is Katie's birthday.

BONNIE
O.

MOLLY
I thought that tomorrow was Katie's birthday?

ME
No, it's today, but we are having the party tomorrow.

MOLLY
Why are we having the party tomorrow?

ME
Because today she is going out with her friends, and tomorrow we are having the family party.

MOLLY
O, I know what's happening, Kymmie, today Katie is having her friends, and tomorrow we are having dinner and cake for dessert and presents!

ME
Yeah, that sounds about right.

BONNIE
It's Mommy's birthday and we are having cherry pie!

ME
That was a couple of weeks ago, Bonbon.

MOLLY
Do you know, Bonnie is almost potty trained?

ME
Really? Seriously? Bonnie, are you making in the potty?

BONNIE
Yes, I am making in the potty! I am making in the potty at school!

ME
Why not at home, too?

BONNIE
I don't know. I'm skating, I'm skating!!

ME
(to Fran)
The thing with Bonnie is that she makes exactly as little sense as she did when she was one, she just speaks more clearly, so we can understand all of the words, but her strange, stream-of-consciousness thought processes are just as opaque as ever.

BONNIE
(disco dancing frantically)
This is a really great party! You like your breakfast, Kymmie, you like your eggs and your biscuits and your cheese and your sausage and your potatoes! I'm a freak!

ME
That you are!

So, yesterday I left work at 5.45p, certain that I would get home by 6.30p, because that's how long it takes to get home, 45 minutes, you know, if I go slowly, half an hour if I'm lucky. The fact that it was rush hour on a Friday didn't really occur to me.

So I get to the van, and it's 6.15p, so that took a little longer than I had hoped, but hey, it's not far now, Hlao-roo, so maybe if I get home by 6.40p, that will still be cool and we could still get to the musical, but then I looked at the line for the van and could not see the end. Seriously. It went farther down the street than it ever has before.

So I walk to the end of the line, aaaallllll the way to the end of the line, and was treading water in the river. Well, not really, but I was almost at the corner of 9th Ave, and when you consider that the van pickup is almost on the corner of 8th Ave., and that an avenue block in NY is slightly more than 1/7th of a mile long, maybe that gives you a picture in your head of how loooong this line was! Maybe not. You can take my word for it, though.

Then, a van came, and I got all excited, because sometimes a van comes and then another one and then another one and everyone can get on and go home and everything is wonderful, but this was not one of those times, so I got the woman behind me to hold my spot, found a pay phone, called home and said, "Go without me."

And a good thing I did, too, because even when I got on the van, the traffic was just appalling, so I didn't even get home until 7.20p. Cynthia wouldn't have waited for me, of course, not all the way until then, but they would have been late and been pissed at me. One of these days, I really have to get a cell phone.

So, I got home and the house was empty and there was no musicale for me, but it was a gorgeous evening, so I chased the cats outside and we all just sat there for a little minute, in the spring evening where the air is like honey and it's still too early for mosquitos.

And listening to the ball game in the Little League field next door, listening to an umpire throw a coach out of the game, "Did you call that kid a stupid idiot? You don't call kids a stupid idiot! You are out of this game! Step one foot onto the field and I'll make it two! Step one foot onto the field and I'll make it two! Step one foot onto the field and I'll make it two! Don't you dare call a kid a stupid idiot!" "Alright already, you don't have to say it five times!" "I want everyone to hear that that's what you said!" "They have, now!"

And then, the coach kept throwing in things like, "Check the obituaries under I, you'll be there, you just watch out!" "Come on, Jack, you know you won't remember any of this." "Hey, I'm not that old, I remember everything!" and I thought that the other guy wasn't saying he was old, he was saying he was loaded.

Ah, New Jersey Little League, you'll not see nothing like.

And then I went inside and dyed my hair another colour, but it's not purple! I'm not saying what it is, because I'm going to Melissa's and I want it to be a surprise, but it's the colour of the shirt that Bonnie was wearing this morning, if that helps!

Jette has moved her journal over slightly, and renamed it Celluloid Eyes, she got a cool new VCR, took a somewhat complicated bike ride, was on her period, decided never to see another movie again ever ever ever, and got the cutest little ootsy-wootsy haircut that you ever did see.

Today's horoscope:
You or your beloved may be rarin' to go, while the other needs a lot of cuddling and support to get into the mood. Be sensitive.

One year ago today:
I was thinking, how much harm will a few actors not buying Pepsi do to a multinational company? Then I realized, when one of those actors is me, who tends to have a continuous intravenous drip of Pepsi going at all times, a great deal!

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Last Updated Sat 12 May 16:12:09 2001