I have been so bad, I haven't written for so long, I need to get back into the habit. The problem is, of course, that I know myself very well, and for me a habit is hard to start, and once it starts it is extremely hard to break, but once it is broken it is almost impossible to start again. Once I realize that the world won't end and I won't die if the habit is broken, then I'm lost.

But maybe I can write daily without it being an obsessive-compulsion, maybe I can just write anyway. It's not as though I don't want to tell my stories, it's not as though I want to end my journal or take a hiatus, like all the kool kids are doing these days (come back, guys, I miss you!), it's just that I am, at heart, an abominably lazy slut.

Last night's rehearsal was all things to all people.

Cynthia called me during the day, asking if she could cut, because she just got into a casting showcase that she was wait-listed for, and I said yes because she doesn't really need any more intensive rehearsal. So, when we did the run-through, I read in her role.

Unfortunately, these mother-fucking actors, meaning especially David, walked through the play as though they were dead or dying or were completely unfamiliar with the English language and were just reciting the whole thing phonetically. Cynthia adds such a life-force to the play that without her, it lay there like an old carp.

Towards the end, they didn't even feign interest, they just laughed, but I let it go on because I was time it, but when it was over, I let the hammer fall.

"I don't think that I have ever seen such a appalling display of unprofessional horseshit in my entire life. You people need to fucking think about what you are doing, about where you are in the play, about how one thought leads to the next. You are clearly capable of doing this show, you have done most of it at performance level before, there is no excuse for this shit. I was bored out of my mind watching--there is absolutely no reason to watch this play if it's going to be this shallow."

At this point, Actor Boy said, "But I thought that all shows have a rehearsal where everything gets silly!" and I snapped back, "Yeah, well you already had yours a few rehearsals ago, and you don't get one this close to opening, not to mention the fact that my problem wasn't the laughing, it was the fact that nothing anyone said meant anything."

Right as we ended the run and before I yelled at them, the phone rang and it was Cynthia saying that she was on her way back, that she got done much earlier than expected, so I decided to wait until she came back before running it again. The girls and I chatted about Moulin Rouge, making me want to see it again.

Then Cynthia came back and we had the best rehearsal we ever had. Sometimes a little tough love is all anyone needs.

Today's horoscope of looniness, the so completely wrong one that gets emailed to me every day, is the following:

"You may be called on to be a hostess in your own home, Kymm. Perhaps one of your bridge partners has canceled on you and all of a sudden card night must be moved to your house. At first this feels like a panic situation because you don't think your house is clean enough. Don't worry; it is probably impeccable. You are the only one who will notice the one-inch patch of dirt in the corner of your entryway, so don't sweat it."

O how I laughed and laughed. It's like Laurie Anderson says on United States in the song about getting her palm read and being told all of this wrong information, but in such a confident manner that, "I felt as though I had been walking around with these false documents tattooed on the palms of my hands."

Well, apparently I was born on somebody else's birthday!

Today's horoscope:
Logic and common sense are your best financial assets today. Think it over before you take any action, and use your head.

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Last Updated Wed 25 July 00:55:09 2001