22 January
Thoughts while watching the Golden Globes.
First of all, shit, when did it start? I thought it started at 9p! Goddamn it, I would never have watched Willy Wonka had I known, I mean, I love Willy Wonka but I freaking saw it in the movie theatre on Christmas Eve! Grumble grumble.
The funny thing is that this morning I turned on the TV and there was Joan and Melissa tearing apart the outfits for the Globes, and I thought "Shit! I cannot believe that I watched an eleven year old basketball game instead of the Golden Globes!" then I went from site to site wondering why no-one had updated with the winners yet. Then I thought, "Hey, Lara Flynn Boyle wore that Bob Seeger t-shirt before! And when did Matt Damon and Winona Ryder get back together? And Jim Carrey and Renee Zellweger...Wait a minute!" and I realized that the show was tonight. And then I miss the beginning, dammit.
George Clooney won Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy. Yay! Man, every day he lives, he gets better looking. Someday, people will be lining up to rape his corpse.
Hey, there's Robert Downey Jr.! Making jokes about his predicaments, and looking extremely healthy.
Julianne Moore lumbering forward like a linebacker. Is it the shoes? I think it's so cute when small skinny beautiful people are clumsy or graceless, I think it's sort of endearing.
Traffic Best Screenplay! Hey, the first two awards I see are for two of my favourite movies of last year! Obviously, I am good luck. We'll see what won before I tuned in later.
Sela Ward over Sarah Michelle Gellar? There is no justice. The fact that I happen to like Sela Ward notwithstanding. She doesn't have time to name all of her co-stars, but she names all 200 of her agents.
Next commercial I simply must jump into the shower--it has been a never leave the house kind of weekend and I am starting to turn into that blob monster from that Stephen King short story about the stepfather who drinks the bad beer, all covered in moss.
Interesting, when they don't turn off the sound in the audience, nobody seems to be paying the slightest bit of attention to what's going on onstage--all talking and clinking of silverware.
Jennifer Lopez looks classy, Matthew McConaughey looks like an escapee from a chain gang. Perhaps they are the Jennifer and Matthew from another dimension.
Yay, Gladiator wins for Best Score! Who on earth is that odd woman? She looks like a classical statue come to life. Perhaps she is Galatea. Ooh ooh ooh, a shot of Russell! He is there! I wonder who his date is?
The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press looks suspiciously like a toad. I think that perhaps the Hollywood Foreign Press is secretly the Hollywood Animage Press.
Lara Flynn Boyle looks less like she needs to be intravenously fed for once.
Vanessa Redgrave couldn't pick up her award because she is doing Cherry Orchard in London. This may be the only time this has ever been heard at the Golden Globes--usually they can't pick up their awards because they are shooting Rats in Space. Hey, maybe it'll still be on when I get to London!
I cannot believe that the appalling horror that was Sunshine is nominated for Best Picture. Here is my review--was I seeing a different film than everyone else?
Bob Dylan won! Of course, if he's nominated for something, he is going to win, that's an easy one, and it's a terrific song, but I cannot believe that he's actually there in that little bow tie. The strangest things happen at the Golden Globes.
Ang Lee won Best Director. Julia Roberts did a lovely job of not screaming "Shit!" when he won over Stephen Soderburgh.
Okay, I have scraped off the top layer of grime and feel much more human. I think I missed a second or two of Kevin Spacey's introduction of Al Pacino. Did I miss him doing his Al impression? Couldn't Spacey have shaved? Didn't he know he would be at a formal event. I mean, he put on the suit, it couldn't have been too much of a surprise.
I've never seen Scarface. It's almost cruel to focus on ol' Al's face as he watches clips of himself in Dick Tracy. He looks as though he had second thoughts about taking the role. O, and he really doesn't like Frankie and Johnny! Maybe he's just sick of seeing these 20 minutes of clips. Or he doesn't like seeing his facelift. It must be like attending your own funeral.
Al is showing that many actors shouldn't talk extemporaneously. It's like watching your grandfather give a wedding toast--you love him and you don't want to tell him to shut the hell up, but in a minute you feel like it might just get embarrassing.
"Please welcome the inspiration for the movie Erin Brockovich, Erin Brockovich!" What, it's not Soon Yi Previn? And she really does have those tits!
God, Russell looks beautiful with the long hair and the beard. That's my boy. Tom Hanks won, but hey, I'll make you feel better, Russ! Just come to Jersey, do you mind cat shit?
Best Foreign film, why bother reading the nominations? They might as well be Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and a Bunch of Chumps That Not Even the Hollywood Foreign Press Saw.
Charlize Theron looks like she's into bondage. I wouldn't fall over with shock, she looks like she has ice for blood.
Yay Almost Famous! O Brother has my heart, but I think that Almost Famous is an unjustly ignored film.
It must be hard being Björk and having your name never ever pronounced correctly. You know, outside of Iceland. And Scandinavia. And, probably Germany. Okay, okay, it must be hard being Björk and having your name never ever pronounced correctly by an American.
Julia Roberts is really surprised! I always find that so charming.
Did Elizabeth Taylor do her hair with an eggbeater? And no mirror? Apparently, she didn't go to rehearsal. Has she never actually watched an awards show? How can she be so confused about the envelope? It's a good thing it was so hard to open, you can hear people shrieking "No, don't do it!!"
Yay! Gladiator! I mean, I really don't think that it was the best film of the year, not really, but it certainly was my favourite, so I will not be complaining. So, Russell, if you want to come to my house to celebrate, I'll leave the light on for you!
Damn, they aren't going to update the website for another three hours, not until the show is over on the west coast. Shitski.
Ah, okay, on the news they said that Kelsey Grammer won for Best Actor in a Comedy Series (what, Ted Danson didn't win for Becker? Is that show still on?), Sarah Jessica Parker won for Best Actress in a Comedy Series (no wonder Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't win, you can't have two actresses with triple-barreled names beginning with Sarah win at the same awards, there would be anarchy!), Sex in the City was Best Comedy Series, Martin Sheen Best Actor in a Drama Series (I've been in love with him my whole life), and Renee Zellweger won Best Actress in a Comedy Film and wasn't there when they called her name, and didn't say why. Must have been shooting up. Okay, probably not, but if you were in the can why would you not say? Have we learned nothing from Christine Lahti?
Okay, the winners are up on the official site now, but the site is so badly designed that, at this time, Netscape can't see those pages! They should get their money back. Anyway, let's see...o boy, Best Supporting Actress was Kate Hudson and Best Supporting Actor was Benicio Del Toro! Hooray both, but especially Benicio, my new secret celebrity boyfriend. You know, Russ is in Australia alot, and we have an open relationship anyway, I mean look at all of that nonsense with Meg Ryan!
And the TV stuff that I missed was...aw, who cares about TV? O wait, Brian Dennehy for Death of a Salesman! Wasn't that like three years ago? I mean, it deserves every award that it gets, but didn't it win the Emmy not last year but the year before? Ah well, who am I to express doubt towards the Hollywood Foreign Press?
Today's horoscope:
A change in routines is likely. You may alter the tasks, sequences of duties, travel routes, or other "predictable" parts of your day.
One year ago today:
"And now, here's Janice Huff with the weather."
"It's fucking cold. Back to you, Sue."
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Last Updated Mon 22 January 23:15:09 2001