So, Friday night I remembered that I had promised to make the music tapes for my show and I hadn't done it yet. Bev said that I didn't have to, but I wanted them to be the way that I wanted them, so I decided to do them.

So, I went to HMV and bought the cds, and it just felt so goddamn good to buy something in my no-buying year that I practically burst into tears at the store.

It hurts not to buy things, it really does. It's been almost two months, and it's gnawing away at me. The only thing that I bought since 1 Jan was when I got back to NJ and the local video store was having a going out of business sale, and I gave myself a by because the DVDs were on super sale.

I got The Music Man, but regretted it afterwards, since the discount wasn't really enough to justify the cheat. I let it go, though, and didn't think something like, "Well, I blew it, so I just might as well buy everything in sight!

But I have been good and I haven't bought a thing, but it's starting to become a physical pain, so buying cds for the show (they are for the show, I don't want them, it's a sacrifice for me to buy them!) felt sweet.

Though I did have to hold myself back from buying anything else. I felt like I was at a carnival, "Look, the new Johnny Cash, Eminem, Dolly Parton's bluegrass album, I want I want I want!

But I did not. I just got Surrealistic Pillow by Jefferson Airplane, Creedence Gold by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. 3. I also needed Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits and After The Gold Rush by Neil Young, but I had both of those at the house, or so I thought.

So I went home and confidently started to look for the cds.

And I looked and I looked and I looked. I found my purse with my props, the original props that I have always used in every production, I found the costume pieces that I could re-use and good substitutes for the others, I ended up finding Neil Young, but Janis Joplin, the most important music in the show, and the start of the tape so I couldn't record without her. The last time I saw it was when I was in Brooklyn, so it could literally be anywhere. I really must unpack, someday.

It was midnight. I was meeting Jessie and Jen at 11a the next morning. Rehearsal was at 4p. My only choice was to get up early in the morning and do it then. I hate getting up at 7.30a on a weekend.

The sacrifices I make for this show.

But that's what I did, I got my ass up, went to the supermarket to see if they had the cd (of course not, they only sell extremely crappy music at Pathmark, but I thought I'd give it a shot), showered and dressed and this-ed and that-ed, then caught the van into the city, went to HMV, got the album, got home at 10.30a, made the tapes, and left at 10.50a.

I knew that I wouldn't get there at 11a, but I figured that I could manage 11.15a, until we made the turn to the Tunnel and just stopped. There was a bus, a big bus, sitting there, apparently after being in an accident, but instead of creeping around it like everyone else was doing, my van decided to pick up the passengers, which would have been swell if there hadn't been a million of them and if they hadn't fucking strolled from the bus to the van, like they had all of the time in the world, or as though us little van passengers didn't have anyplace where we had to be.

I was up by the driver and kept saying, "If they can't run, leave them behind!"

It just took forever and a day, and I was God only knows how late for Jessie and Jen and Golden Boy. This is why I don't wear a watch, I just don't want to know. The first words out of my mouth, the first words that Jessie and her husband ever heard me speak in person were, "This motherfucking bus!"

Do I know how to make a first impression or what?

Today's horoscope:
Channel any pickiness into organizing your physical environment rather than criticizing. Keep score in games but not in relationships!

One year ago today:
I must have angered the river gods.

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Last Updated Tues 27 February 10:00:09 2001