Have you ever noticed how most of the cliches about happiness are about lightness, about floating, about flying? Floating on air, walking on air, over the moon, they all are about your feet leaving the ground.

And the reason they are all on the same theme is because it's true, that's what happiness really is.

I was at work yesterday, getting extra stuff done and gossiping with The Raccoon, who had also come in, about the rest of the department, and I checked my messages, because I know that Le was supposed to call me with some actresses that I could cast in The Hot Dog Machine (did I mention that we were going up again in a week and a half?), and there were two messages.

The first was from Le with the list, as expected, but the second was from a director with the company, Beverly, who said "Hi, Kymm, I am directing one of The River Plays and Le said that you own this role, in You Can Look But You'd Better Not Touch..."

And that was when I started to float.

This is my role, ducks, my signature role, the show that means more to me than anything that I have ever done. Kevin and I did it in '93 and '94, directed by Sharon, four times. It belongs to us, though this time I will not be doing it with Kevin, who has moved to Boston, and it won't be directed by Sharon, the show will always belong to the three of us as a group.

It's about cunnilingus and death. It's about this man who picks up this mildly retarded girl at a party and takes her down to the river to fuck her, but she says "You Can Look But You'd Better Not Touch" and what happens because of that. It's eerie and off-centre and sexy and odd, and I'm gagging to do it again.

So I called Beverly back and told her that Le was right, that I do own the role, and that I have only done it with the same people, so I have very definite ideas about how the role should be played, but that I'd try really hard to be directable. She said that no, she really wanted to hear my thoughts and collaborate, so that's good, and I don't know the guy that is cast in the role, which is bad, since he has to put his head under my skirt, but I don't care, I don't care.

I think that I am happier now than I will be any time during rehearsal of the run, because now is when it's all anticipation, without the reality of other people. And it feels like my chest is full of bubbles, like I'm full of light, and I really don't see how, when I look down, my feet are touching the ground.

Today's horoscope:
Your self-discipline is stronger today. Take a first, small step in a program to make yourself better. Small habits create large effects.

One year ago today:
And this time, I can't skip showering, not two days in a row.

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Last Updated Thurs 13 February 10:38:09 2001