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9 February And now it's time for another episode of Rate-a-Trailer™!
1. Corelli's Mandolin Soppy-looking WWII film with Nicolas Cage and Penelope Cruz. Looks like all of those golden-hued young (well, young-ish) lovers torn apart by circumstance films with John Hurt collecting a paycheck for appearing in a film that is far below his talent, but might make enough cash so that people will remember that he is still alive and can continue performing in films more worth his while. Like The Tigger Movie. 2. Evolution Cannot tell a thing from the trailer, it's just a teaser, nothing concrete. It is directed by Ivan Reitman, for whom I have a soft spot, even though he hasn't directed a good film since Dave in 1993. We'll see when there is a trailer with the actual actors in it. 3. Atlantis A cartoon about something or other. I was going to say that it would be another cartoon that would get great reviews but no box office because it isn't Disney, but then I saw that it is Disney, so I revise it to say that it will probably get lousy reviews but get an audience anyway! Just kidding, adult cartoons don't make it in this country, it'll die. 4. Rollerball Too early a trailer to tell what's going on, but to me, Chris Klein is no substitute for James Caan. And honestly, the original wasn't really that good to begin with, when it comes right down to it. 5. Blow Apparently, in the 70's, people wore ugly clothes and worse hair, snorted alot of coke, and the movies were split screen. Looks like it's trying to be Boogie Nights, but instead of coke and cocks, it'll just be coke. Stars Johnny Depp, whose taste in scripts is not to be trusted. Will reserve judgement until I see a trailer with more than just style. 6. Caveman's Valentine Another trailer with mostly style, but there is enough plot and acting included as well to make me interested in this sucker. Of course, most homeless people aren't secretly piano virtuosi, but most regular people are pretty dull as well, a movie should be about interesting people. And Samuel L. Jackson can be trusted not to get all gooey and Joe Pesci on us. 7. Just Visiting A knight and his squire come forward in time and hijinks ensue. This may be just a trailer thing, but it looks like it just might be really funny, and stars my man Jean Reno, so I'm there. 8. The Fast and the Furious Lots of cars driving fast and loudly, is all I got from the trailer. It probably represents the film quite adequately, and since I was bored silly by the 3 minute trailer, I don't think that you can pay me enough to see the 90 minute version. 9. Malena A beautiful Italian war widow is spied on by the boys in town who are secretly in love with her. I've seen Summer of '42, I don't need to see it again with subtitles. 10. Say It Isn't So A film about a boy and girl who fall in love, then find out that they are brother and sister, then find out that they aren't. Apparently, it's a laff riot. For people who think that Farrelly Brothers movies are funny, meaning not me. It'll probably make a mint. 11. Enemy at the Gates This starts out as saying that it is based on a true story, and then shows Joseph Fiennes and Jude Law as Russian soldiers, thus making me think that perhaps it's been changed a trifle from reality. Just a thought. However, since this WWII film is about Germans and Russians rather than about Americans, Americans, Americans and Insert Foreign Bad Guy Here, I predict that Pearl Harbor will blow it out of the water. I, however, would rather see Ed Harris and Bob Hoskins than Ben Affleck and Cuba Gooding Jr., so I'll be at this one. 12. Pearl Harbor If I see this trailer one more time, I'm taking hostages. OR bombing a naval carrier, take your pick.
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