Okay, I think I am pretty much better, or I did until I was out all day and had the show and got home and just collapsed. So I think that I am well but I have sort of a short window of energy.

So, the show. Sick or not, the show was still happening, so there was that to deal with no matter what. My Mom said to me:

"Did you hear about so-and-so?"
"No, Mom."
"Well, he was sick, but 'the show must go on', so he kept working on it and getting sicker and sicker, and then the show opened, and do you know what happened?"
"No, Mom."
"He died!"
"Well, that probably won't happen to me, Mom."

It was less 'the show must go on' than 'the show is going on whether you're up for it or not'. On Friday, The Raccoon flung me out of work and I staggered home and went straight to bed. There was rehearsal at the house that night, but not with me, I just slept like a rock for fourteen hours instead.

I had rehearsal on Saturday that I got up for, the first rehearsal for a week with everyone there and the last one before tech. I heard that the rehearsal the night before was disastrous, in terms of people knowing their lines and remembering the order of scenes and things. I was glad that I had missed it.

On Monday was tech. We are at the theatre where we had the French this year, a huge barn of a place, with a booth at the top of a ladder that you have to climb way up, then duck under a pole and crawl onto the floor of the booth. I somehow realized that there wasn't a chance in hell that I could climb up there, and even if I could, I probably couldn't get down, so we decided to do the tech without lights or sound, just a general wash over the stage.

We had to wait for hours, as we were teching three evenings of one-acts all at once. I was so sick, I cannot even begin to explain how awful I felt sitting there, waiting to see when the hell we would start. I was also missing an actor. Everyone is as required to be there at tech as they are to be there for the run, but she couldn't get off work.

I have worked with this actress twice before, and she has always really been on the ball, but in this show, I don't know. She's doing a good job, she just doesn't seem to be a part of the show, not really. I don't know why, and there is nothing that I can do about it--I haven't the energy, and if she doesn't really care about the show, I cannot make her feel what she doesn't feel.

The tech went well, lights or no, actress or no. Le really enjoyed it, which made me glad. The funny thing was that there really was someone in the booth, and I was calling out the lights so that the actors would know where we were, and Le would know what was happening, but sometimes I would call "Lights!" just a little too loudly, and the person in the booth would give me a blackout. Once I really called it out, because the scene ended with Fran and Cynthia kissing and they just wouldn't stop. So, when the lights went out I called, "No, not real lights, I'm just trying to stop my actors from making out!"

Tuesday we rented space, and so we ran it, and the girl who missed tech still wasn't off-book. It was a good thing that she missed tech, because me at death's door or no, Le would have had our heads on a platter if she had been calling for line at tech. Though I like to think that if she had been able to get off for tech, she would have studied her lines harder.

Friday, we rehearsed at the house. I seemed to have so much less to say than usual in this show, I really don't feel as though I have done that much directing, at least not since I have been sick. I don't know if it's because I can't think of anything to say or if it's because there isn't anything to say. Things that are wrong that are more or less unfixable, I have left alone, which is very unusual for me, as usually I push more before deciding that something is unfixable. I haven't had the energy, not really, but it seems that the show is going reasonably well anyway.

Tonight, the show opened, and it went pretty well. I meant to get to the theatre at 5p so that I could dry tech my show, figure out the lights, I ran the show with sound last night and know how that works, but the girl who had the key lives all the way up the Upper East Side and it took me an unexpected hour and a half to get up there, and by then, she had already left, and I ended up only getting to the theatre by 6.15p.

It ended up going okay, because the lights were weirdly not usable separately--there was only up and down. This meant that my three areas wouldn't be individually lit, but it also meant that there was no way that I could possibly bring the lights up in the wrong area. So I really only had my nine sound cues to worry about.

The show was fine. Afterwards, everyone kept running up to me like puppies, begging me to tell them that the show went well, but I was barely paying attention, it was all lights and sound as far as I was concerned. Also, I was just about shattered, having been out of the house for six hours or so at that point.

Anyway, that is the story of the show going on, not because it must, but just because it does. And everything usually comes out in the wash just fine.

Today's horoscope:
Take note of vital details. You can pinpoint essential matters. Focus on the heart of the issue.

One year ago today:
It's Valentine's month and I'm in mourning for love! That was a joke. I think. No, it was a joke. Probably.

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Last Updated Sat 3 February 16:52:09 2001