Clearly, I'm not quite caught up yet, but now at least I'm only one day behind rather than two. When I was in Boston, both Robert and Patrick thoroughly scolded me about the whole "I know that it's September 2000, but I'm still behind and we must pretend that it's July 1998!" business.

I'm irritating my readers. O, the shame of it. Anyway, now you only have to pretend that it's Tuesday, isn't that nice? Don't I look out for you?

So yesterday (heeheehee) I got up after Robert had gone to work, packed up The Heaviest Luggage In All the Land and went to the ballet to drop off his keys.

He had written me a set of his hilariously complex directions, detailing every foot that I would pass on my way from point A to point B, practically describing the individual pavingstones. When I got there, I teased him about it. "Well," he said, "Back Bay Station is only that way and that way," pointing straight and then around a corner. I answered, "Why didn't you just write that, then, rather than all of these landmarks, you big silly!"

So I walked out of the building and went "that way", not looking at the directions, and hoopty-hoopty down the street tralalalala, and then I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen a single one of the landmarks that I so scorned. So I turned around and went back, but could not find the building that I started from! So I started wandering sadly around the South End, sort of hoping that I would bump into the station, but fearing that I would be wandering forever, the Wandering Catholic With Heavy Bags.

Finally, I saw this sweet-faced little woman with bouncy brown curls pushing a pram, and asked her where on earth Back Bay Station had gotten to!

"O, I'm going that way myself, just follow me!"
"It was so weird, I just walked two blocks in a straight line, turned right around and walked straight back, and yet I couldn't find the building that I started from."
"O, that's not your fault, that's just what Boston is like! You can be looking straight at a building and you'll never get to it."
"Like in Through the Looking Glass, the garden that you have to walk away from in order to get to?"
"I never thought of that analogy before, but that's exactly it!"

Now I understand the directions being all full of landmarks--because if things are moving when you are not looking, you need as long a list of things to look for as possible, because half of them will have snuck away!

So, after finally finding the place, I got out to Ed's to edit my movie some more.

The coolest thing was seeing the show from that angle, you know, 'cause I'm used to seeing it from inside my head, not to mention watching myself. I look like such a complete freak in this film. I won't even go on about how fat I look, because I am used to that by now, it's the stuff from the neck up that really got me.

Because of the way that my hat is on, I look absolutely bald as a coot, and since I didn't put anything to make my blonde blonde eyebrows show up, you really can't see them, so I look like a baby chick. With no eyebrows.

And why did no-one ever tell me before that I have giant bug eyes like a Boston bull terrier? Because I do! It's cruel to keep a secret from me like that all these years, some of you must have noticed the fact that they bulge like an alien's! Honestly, I kept suggesting to Ed that we put in cartoon noises, like "booooiiiiiinnnng" when I widened them and "poink poink!" whenever I blinked.

And my expressions! My face does more calisthenics in this movie than you can possibly imagine, especially compared to Cynthia, whose character is very still, so she really doesn't move her face at all. But even if she were, I think that I could out-weird expression her any day of the year. My face has a mind of its own, man--it just never stops moving for a second. It's exhausting to watch.

And you know what? Bald, eyebrow-free, pop-eyed, and making faces, it all is right for the character and serves the film beautifully. So I'm not complaining. But by golly, the next one of these that I do, I'm going to look pretty, dammit!

Actually, the weirdest thing isn't to watch myself act, because I know about what I look like doing that, it's watching myself when I would say "cut" or some of my just talking got caught on tape, and that's the strangest thing of all, just watching myself be myself.

You wanna talk about making faces? I had no idea that that is the way that the world sees me! I make more faces out of character than in. I mean, you never see yourself be yourself, unless you are looking into a mirror, and then you are watching yourself be in a mirror, not just the way an outside eye sees you.

And outside eyes see me as making more faces than a children's party entertainer. I don't know why I don't get slapped and told to for Chrissakes give the face a rest for five minutes at a time.

What have you found out about yourself that surprises you?

And we're still talking about icky stories, our most recent trip, the most spontaneous thing we've done lately, how we feel about medication, the one right way to do things, self-knowledge, running out of time, new movie recommendations, what we need to be happy, our offices, vocal tics, and bad movies we love.

Today's horoscope:
Your skills at diplomacy or peacemaking may be used today. A feeling for ease and harmony contributes to your effectiveness.

One year ago today:
What is it about the internet that makes adults act like third graders? Third graders with Tourettes and ADD?

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Last Updated Wed 20 September 10:18:09 2000