Something that occurred to me recently...

Why am I not writing for anything other than this? Do I give off the impression that I don't want to? Well, basically, I don't want to, but on the other hand, I do. I'm always too busy and I'm always overextended and I always miss deadlines, but on the other hand, I see all the cool places that my friends are writing for, and I think, did they get invited or did they submit themselves? If they got invited, why do I never get invited?

When I wrote for whatever that zine was called a few years ago, and for Planet Amazon, I was asked to write, so I did, but those were the only two times that anyone recruited me. Is this one of those situations where it's all my fault, because if you don't go out and look for it, no-one will know that you are interested?

Or is this all just whining because I'm only just noticing that I'm being left behind, not because I'm particularly willing to do anything about it? I want the rewards without having to put in the hours, but that's not unusual, that's my personality.

On the other hand, I was invited to write for a new site recently, but I haven't written anything yet. Of course, the site doesn't exist yet, but it's not as those I'm racing to get anything in. I never wrote anything for the Diary History, though I really want to. And somebody sent me a lovely request for an article around the time that my computer busted, so I was distracted, and now I can't find the email or remember who wrote it. Of course I never answered it, so she probably thinks I'm all stuck up and doesn't read this page anymore.

So I do get invited to write places, but I don't. Maybe if I wasn't such a lame-ass, I'd get invited to write more things, more places. But I am, you see, this is who I am.

All of the above sounds like another one of my whine-fests, I know, but I am neither complaining nor hinting nor passive-aggressively hoping that someone will see this and beg me to write for them, but I'm not, honestly.

I'm just articulating who exactly it is that I am.

And perhaps I am only just realizing what this page is really all about, is really for. I mean, I always knew that it was for telling stories, for entertaining, for leaving a legacy for my children as yet unborn, but it's also for writing down exactly who I am.

I'm not a very important person, not a famous person, I will never save the world or make it a better or safer place, but I am a human being on the planet earth, and that is the record that I am making here, that I am leaving here, the record of myself. That I lived, that I was here, that even if I will never shake the world to its core, my life meant something to myself and to my family and friends.

That I know who I am. An ordinary person like any other ordinary person, and yet unlike them, because there can only be one that is just like me. And this is a joyful thing, this knowledge of life. If you know who you are, you can never be lost.

Do you know who you are?

And we're still talking about running out of time, new movie recommendations, what we need to be happy, our personal angels, our offices, vocal tics, and bad movies we love.

Today's horoscope:
When people around you are into "looking good," don't get overwhelmed. Actuality is still more important than appearances.

One year ago today:
Don't eat dinner while reading a discussion of semen and the swallowing thereof on Diary L.

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Sexy 40's Dames by:
My New Best Friend Kristin!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Sun 17 September 10:29:09 2000