Last night I got two emails on the same dreadful subject, the first was from Laura via Diary L and the second from Roe via her notify list, both of whose fathers just died.

I cannot even begin to describe how sorry I am, for Roe whom I know and for Laura whom I don't. I think I said at the time that my father died that it was like being in a club, and nobody to whom this hadn't happened could possibly understand what you were going through.

Also, before you have a big death like that, you don't really believe that death exists. Before my Da died, several people that I was close to died, like my Mom's friend Monique, whom I loved very much, and my across the street neighbour whom I always called Uncle Bob, but it was still removed from me, I had never experienced a death that was really close to me, and since I am from a family of three, that death could only be my mother or my father.

I remember thinking how could everyone be walking around acting normal when this thing had happened, this thing that changed everything in the whole world. I remember looking at the other old people in the hospital and being angry at them for having the nerve to be alive when the most important person in the world had died.

I remember thinking afterwards, when anyone talked about a parent being sick, that they were just fooling themselves, that of course they were going to die, if not now then soon, and they should just accept that fact.

It has been almost four years since my father died, and I still think of him every day. You never get over it, not really, because it will always have happened, no matter how long ago it becomes. Instead, you just look at the world differently.

Roe and Laura, I am so sorry, and I am praying for you and your families. You won't always feel like this, time passes and it gets better, but nothing will ever be the same again.

Who that you love has died?

And we're still talking about Rocky Horror, being happy, romance, getting well-know phrases wrong, attending our high school reunions, and being from a small town.

Today's horoscope:
Plan for action and excitement today. You can enjoy drama, exhilaration and enthusiasm. Do things which are physically active or thrilling.

One year ago today:
Only five! So close and yet so faaaaaaaar....

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Logo and some graphics by Lucy Huntzinger
Background and some graphics by Ace of Space

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Tues 31 October 09:46:09 2000