This election keeps getting weirder and weirder.

On the Today Show, this Florida writer named Carl Hiaasen was on and was so funny that I immediately put all of his books on my wishlish. He was asked what his reaction was that Jeb Bush recused himself from the recount, and he answered, "Well, I'm glad that he didn't put the votes in the trunk of his car and bring them home to count them!"

He also said that corruption was pretty unlikely, as in order to have corruption, it is necessary to have some competence. Apparently, though this is the weirdest election ever, they are all more or less like this in Florida, with loony things happening all the time.

There is a Senate race in Manhattan and a Congressional race in New Jersey, by the way, that are each fifty votes apart. There must be a wind on the moon.

Yesterday I forgot to say, or actually I just plain forgot altogether, that Tuesday night, when I went to bed without knowing who the new President was, I actually dreamt that Gore was President, then that Bush was President, and then that Gore was President, and when I woke up, I found that I was right!

The show, on Tuesday night, went okay, but not that great.

The problem with a mid-week show is that you don't get that big Friday night crowd, so the house was small and quiet and my actors let that drag them down, so the show was low-energy and dull, not really what one wants for a comedy.

I felt like I did a pretty good job, but laughs were few and far between. I'd say that we kinda sucked, but we didn't suck rocks. Maybe we sucked pebbles, or perhaps gravel.

John came to see the show, so I was going to hang around to see him afterwards. However, I forgot to turn in my timesheet at work, and The Raccoon threatened me that if I forgot again, I wouldn't get paid (I think that she was kidding, but I didn't want to push it, so I thought that I would have time to run uptown, fill it out, then run back before the show was over.

Everything took longer than it should have, of course, and when I finally got back I thought I saw John standing in front of the theatre, but before I got close enough to tell for certain, he turned and walked up the street. I called out, "John!" but he didn't turn, and at that moment, one of the other directors came out of the door.

"Is the entire show over yet?"
"O no, not yet."

So I ran inside, and coming out of the elevator was a bunch of actors and audience, one of whom was the guy in my show.

"Is the entire show over yet?"
"Yeah, has been for ages!"

So I went upstairs to check, but of course, John was long gone and that was probably him in front of the theatre. There was $4.50 wasted on a cab ride! And who owes me the money? The idiot who told me that the show wasn't over yet! How completely stupid can one person be?

Last night's show was actually worse.

I mean, we had no room for a second night slump, and yet we slumped anyway. It was the saddest, most morose comedy that you ever did see. And my insane actress just did everything that I don't want her to do, and because of my character, I still had to sit there staring at her with interest and adoration, though I wanted to walk across the stage and slap her.

And the audience, my God. We had one person goddamn rattling plastic bags for a good five minutes--it sounded as though she was braiding candy wrappers. "Rattle rattle rattle rustle rustle CRINKLE RUSTLE CRINKLE CRACK!!"

I really wanted to stand up and yell out "What the fuck is so important in those plastic bags!"

And then, when Bag Lady finally arranged everything to her liking, we had a guy come in and sit in the first row and very slowly and carefully take off his coat for another five minutes. He was trying to be quiet, but it was just so much more annoying to hear "Z - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - i - p, r - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - u - s - t - l - e" etc etc, that I'd almost prefer the plastic bags.

But not quite.

To quote James Lipton, what sound or noise do you hate?

And we're still talking about loonies, weird sports, Hallowe'en costumes, death, and Rocky Horror.

Today's horoscope:
You are asked to donate to a political or charitable cause. Check out the company doing the asking; they may keep the lion's share of the money.

One year ago today:
Pre-Rapscallion curls?

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Last Updated Thurs 9 November 10:15:09 2000