Heavenly day! It's noon on a weekday and Kymm has not updated yet! Is the sun turning black? Are the Four Horsemen riding? Should we duck and cover?

As those of you who are real alert and stuff will remember, all weekend I bitched about how I was sicksicksick, and that basic fact didn't change just 'cause it's Monday.

I woke at an appallingly early hour this morning, coughing like a motherfucker (and you know how much they cough). My nice little cold has settled into my lungs, and I have a cough that frightens the cats and sets off my asthma.

So, I'm home for the day! It's a waste of a four-day-week, happening as it does directly before Memorial Day weekend, but that's the way life goes.

I have made a decision, and that decision is to actually accomplish something this year. It I did, that would put me head and shoulders over many other years.

Remember, two Christmases ago, when I did Ol' Mange with Cynthia? Well, ever since we did it, I always thought that it would make a great little film. First of all, both Cynthia and I kicked butt in our roles, we really have done few things better, either of us, and the script is just a little gem--very sweet and funny, but with this dark, twisted core.

Plus, it's only about eight minutes long, and practically the entire thing could be shot in Cynthia's kitchen and dining room, but for a few pickup shots that I want to include, so it would be really easy to do.

Fran will have to shoot it, because he is the only adult person in the house who isn't in the cast, but I'll storyboard it within an inch of its life, and of course I'll be able to see everything as soon as it's shot, if I need to...

Anyway, as you may have gathered, that's the One Thing that I want to accomplish this year. And, since I need a deadline in order to do anything (obviously, since I've been thinking about doing this since December 1998), the deadline that I have chosen is the short film submission deadline for Sundance, which will be October. So, I'll shoot in August and edit in September and be ready by October.

I suppose it looks as though I'm thinking an awful lot of myself, if I think that a little film that I, who is not a filmmaker, will make in my kitchen on the cheap can possibly be accepted for the biggest independent film festival in the world, and you know what? It probably won't get chosen. Last year they picked 60 shorts out of over 1900 entries, but Le's script is so sharp and so unexpected, and Cynthia and I are so spot-on in our roles, that why not make it for something other than just to give copies to our parents?

Anyway, between now and August, I need to do my storyboards, research whether I should shoot it on digital video or 8mm or super 16 or what--which will look least like shit for the least amount of dosh, find an eight year old boy and a puppy for my ending (Cynthia says that Laura is lousy with cousins and nephews, so maybe I'll be able to borrow a child from her), and lose as much weight as I can, so that I'm not the fattest person ever captured on celluloid other than the Mom in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

And find my fuschia bunny-fur earmuffs, because Zoe Glossip just isn't Zoe Glossip without fuschia bunny-fur earmuffs.

O, and ask Le. But I'm sure that he'll say fine.

Gee, I'm so glad that I chose August to shoot a film where I have to wear a parka and earmuffs all the way through! That'll sure be a treat.

Ah, complaining already! This way you all know that, even with all this firm resolve and stuff, it's still really me.

Don't forget to watch Ally McBeal tonight, since it's a musical episode, featuring songs by my man Randy Newman, one of which he wrote just for the show. This oughta be great!

Today's horoscope:
Sometimes it seems household chores are endless. Focus on something small you can accomplish today and satisfaction will rise.

One year ago today:
I can honestly say, after using it for a day, that Microsoft Outlook Express is the most dreadful, awful, ghastly, appalling, grim email program ever to have been vomited from the maw of Microsoft.

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Last Updated Mon 22 May 13:03:09 2000