So, last night was certainly interesting.

I got to the theatre, and, since this weekend we are the early show, I had to open up. I got the keys to the theatre and the dressing room from the office, but I did not pick up the keys to the storage room where we keep our costumes and things from the bar, because the night before Maryann (the other director) had done so. I was, however, the first to get there, so when my actors started arriving, I sent Ant'ny out to get them for me.

He came back with a completely unfamiliar set of keys. "The bartender said that he knows that these are the wrong keys, but that the right keys were never returned last night, and these are all he has."

I blanched. Not only were all of our costumes and props in there, but so was the light board, the boom box and the box office. So, no lights, no sound, no costumes, no props, no tickets, no programmes. There was kind of no possible way to do the show without these things.

I had no idea what we were going to do. I assumed that the directors of the 9p evening, one of whom must have the keys, would not arrive in time. I went down to the office, which usually keeps an extra set of our keys, but they weren't there.

They weren't there. Argh!

"Fred honey," I said, "Break down that door for me. No, wait, I was only kidding!" I started making phone calls to everyone I could think of, and the actors started milling around, slightly panicking, especially Cynthia, who cannot do her character AT ALL without her costume--we'd have looked like a high school production.

Then, one actor, who shall remain nameless, said "Let me try something," and took out a credit card. After about three minutes, and a change of credit cards halfway through, the door popped open. Thank God. I will love this housebreaking actor forever. This did not, however, change the fact that we still needed to find the keys for tonight and the rest of our lives.

When the first of the 9p directors arrived, Sabine, who came to see my show, I said to her "Where the fuck are the keys?"

"What do you mean? Didn't Pamela return them to the bar?"
"That she did not."
"She said that she would! I offered to do it and she said that she would!"
"Okay, I don't know what she looks like, so when she gets here, would you please turn her upside-down and shake her until the keys fall out?"

After the show (which had the biggest audience and the smallest amount of laughs yet, but went very well, in my opinion), I stayed to watch the 9p show. Sabine's was first, so, as she was setting up the lights, I asked her again about the keys.

"So, did you talk to this Pamela?"
"Yes, and she says that she doesn't have the keys!"
"What?!"
"I was sure that I gave the keys to her, but she seems to certain that maybe I'm wrong. I asked all of the actors, and none of them have them, but two aren't here yet, so maybe they'll know about it!"

Okaaay. So I sat through the shows, which were good to varying degrees, Sabine's being the best, and at the end I buttoned the famous Pamela.

"Hi, I'm a director of the 7p evening, and I'm trying to find the keys? You know, the ones that should have been returned to the bar last night?"
"I don't have them! I only had the keys to the theatre and the dressing room, which I returned to the office. I don't know anything about any other keys, honestly!"
"Well, can you look in your bag or something, just in case?"
"I did, when Sabine was looking earlier, but I don't have them!"

So, I went up to the more intelligent looking of Pamela's actors and said,

"I don't suppose you've seen the keys?"
"O no, Pamela returned them to the bar. Pamela, this lady's looking for the keys that you returned to the bar last night."
"But I didn't return any keys to the bar!"

Pause.

"But I told you where to go, I told you that the keys needed to go back to the bartender every night, don't you remember?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, I gave all the keys I had to the office."

At this point, I decided to try the office one more time.

"Hi, I don't suppose there is any chance that you have a set of Love Creek keys that you shouldn't have, do you?"
"You mean these?"
"YES!!! Why weren't they here before?"
"Because somebody put them in the drawer rather than on the shelf and I only found them when I got in tonight."

So I went back upstairs and informed them that the keys had, in fact, been return to the office and that all was well, and here's the best part, the stupid bitch who lost them in the first place said to me, "O, do you want me to take them to the bar?"

"No, that's quite alright, I'll do it."

Only afterwards, when I had the time did I wonder what would have happened had my petty larcenous actor not have been able to break in.

Especially since the show had sold out and I thought about how much money we would have lost had we had to cancel the show. Le would have choked me until my eyes popped out of my head, even though it would not have been my fault.

All's well...

Ahem. I have been informed that neither John Prine nor Iris DeMent are Southern.

How about, I like folk singers who sing in Southern accents even though they are from Chicago or California?

Today's horoscope:
Bring beauty into your life today: window shop, buy lovely clothes, enjoy music, or create a harmonious environment.

One year ago today:
One morning, I swear I'm going to wake up and they will each be up one of my nostrils, but Milo will be trying to get into the same nostril as Monty in order to chase him away.

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Meghan!

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Last Updated Sun 20 February 11:45:09 2000