I just heard them say on the Today show, the words "President-Elect Bush", and I shuddered. I mean, it wasn't as though I didn't know that it was likely, but I still was caught unawares by that particular combination of words.

I'd say that I can't wait until '04, but that's the year that I turn 40, so I really can't go that far. I've always admired Ralph Nader, but frankly now I hope he rots in hell.

Have I ever told you about the Culligan Man?

Some months ago, Back when we were in the other building, there was this gorgeous guy hanging around outside The Raccoon's cube, waiting for her to get off the phone. I passed by him several more times than was strictly necessary, and had a couple of joking exchanges with him.

It turned out that that was our Culligan Man, come to get a check. I was flabbergasted. He's one of those prematurely grey guys, grey hair with a young face, and he's tall and built and has dimples, and after he left, I ran over to The Raccoon and whisper/shrieked, "O my God, he is so cuuuuuute!!!" and in the same tone she said back "I know!!!!"

There is something about this guy that turns me into the world's biggest and lumpiest twelve-year-old.

His company does the special distilled or whatever water for the lab, so I went to Kathleen just as fast as I could.

"Kathleen! I just saw the Culligan Man! What a cutie!"
"I know, isn't he? He always leaves a trail of staring women in his wake. One time he came on an emergency after having gone for a jog, so he was in his shorts and the entire female section of the lab just stopped all work while he was there, unable to move but to wipe away the drool."
"Now I know why they were always calling "Hey, Culligan Man!" on those old commercials!"

Anyway, everytime he comes round it is always a thrill. The last time we cut a check for him, I told The Raccoon that we shouldn't have, we should have waited for him to come by and beg for it, but before we had a chance to send it out, he did come by and beg for it, and I was the one who had the check, so he had to come to me, and it was all great fun.

So yesterday, I get to work and I sit down, and there he is, giving a gigantic 3 lb. tin of cookies to The Raccoon! Not a personal thing, but a business thing, you know, people give us stuff so that we will want to pay them faster ho ho ho. And I am staring at this horror, this betrayal, and when he left I said to her:

"You have some nerve getting those cookies! I'm the one with a crush on him!"
"It's not my fault!"
"Humph!"

Then I called Kathleen.

"Kathleen, The Raccoon just got the most enormous tin of cookies from the Culligan Man!"
"Yes, so did I."
"What am I, chopped liver? Where's my tin of cookies? I'm the one who loves him! I am never speaking to The Raccoon again!"
"Well, he probably thought of her because she is the one who gives him the checks."
"But the last time he was here, I gave him his check! O, it's just not fair!!!"

And then, about ten minutes later, she called me back.

"Kymm, I have the Bob right here in my office, and he did have a tin of cookies for you, he just brought them to me because he didn't know where you sat."
"But he was looking straight at me when he gave them to The Raccoon, he was right there!"
"He says that he is really exhausted and can't see straight."
"Uh-huh."
(to the Culligan Man) "Did you bring cookies for Kymm?"
(muffled reply)
"See? There are cookies, and I will bring them up later."

And so she did. Actually bringing her tin and mine just to prove that she wasn't just giving me hers because I was so whiny. And later she told me that he had called her to make certain that I wasn't upset with him. It was all terribly cute.

Of course, I couldn't deal with three pounds worth of cookies it I tried with a stick, so I think that I won't open them, that I will bring them to Lucy's house this weekend as a contribution to the party in my honour.

I will have to get the tin back, though, as it is far too huge and great to give up without a fight. That's just like me, though, isn't it: "Here, it's a hostess gift from me to you! I'll be wanting it back, though..."

Today's horoscope:
Get involved with an organization that can assist you professionally. Networking pays off.

One year ago today:
"Someone to love Daphne. Of course, I'd love them, too, but it's always easier for Daphne to love. That's on every year's list, but this year is the Millennium, so it's sure to come true!"

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Last Updated Sun 17 December 13:36:09 2000