Well. I was going to write about my great new haircut and haircuts over the years and bad experiences and good experiences, all inspired by Beth's forum, but now nobody's going to notice my hair what with the five inch long cut running down the side of my face and all.

It starts at my temple and goes halfway down my cheek. I look like I was in a knife fight.

This morning I was lying in bed, minding my own business, hitting the snoozebar, taking a snooze, when That Fucking Cat jumped down from the windowsill and landed on my head.

He's about eight or ten pounds of solid muscle, jumping from about three feet up and three feet away, so he really had to launch himself and landed like a ton of brinks on my face. A ton of bricks with claws sticking out of the bottom.

I screamed and wept and bled like a motherfucker and ran to the mirror crying "I don't wanna look like Marla Hanson!" and it looked like hell. I swear, I look like a gang member. But once I washed the blood off and pressed on it and put peroxide on it, I realized that it is pretty shallow and probably won't scar.

However, I may have to go to Melissa's party tonight as Long John Silver.

I am damn lucky I wasn't on my back, as he would have gotten my eyes.

This is, of course, borrowing trouble, as I never sleep on my back, but still, it makes me cold to think of it. I think I'll be sleeping with my head at the other end of the bed from now on.

This is also the cat, (Baldrick), who jumps on my shoulders after I shower and rubs ecstatically against my wet hair. Not today, he didn't. He was all poised and ready and I was all "No! No no no no nooooo no no no! NO!!"

Things to say when people ask how I got the giant slash on my face:

1. "I'm a Jet, he's a Shark, he pulled a shiv on me!"

2. "I was on the Jerry Springer Show with the bitch that stole my man."

3. "It's the ritual scarring of my tribe."

4. "I tried to slit my wrists, but I'm dyslexic."

5. "What giant slash?"

Today's horoscope:
Peaceful contentment is the theme, with domestic security important. Relax with familiar pleasures and people.

One year ago today:
Hard to believe that this is only a movie, as it seems to require the same level of planning as the moon landing!

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Jeweled fantasy by:
Jane Doe!

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Last Updated Sat 29 April 11:49:09 2000