Sometimes I'm just so lonely.

I mean, I like being on my own, I really do, and I have the family and everything and mostly I'm fine, but sometimes I wonder why I don't have any friends, practically, and I wonder why people don't want to see me and don't want to spend time with me and stuff.

I know, I made my bed, I have to lie in it, if I want people to want to be with me, maybe I shouldn't hold myself away from people, but where's the promise that if I didn't, people would change their mind and think of asking me when they do stuff.

They probably wouldn't. They'd probably just think I was being all pathetic and needy and want to be around me even less. If that's actually possible.

Let's say that you have two friends, Friend A and Friend B, and you like both of them and they like you, and they meet each other and end up liking each other. A whole lot. Better than either of them like you.

And it's not that they dislike you, they like you fine, but they make dates and hang out together and they stop remembering to invite you. And you don't know which is worse, if they say "You wanna go out?" "Sure! Should we ask Your Name Here?" "Nah, let's not," or if they never think of it at all.

And you realize that people don't choose whom they like and whom they are friends with, and sometimes people just want to be with certain other people, and there is no law that says that they need to invite you along, too, and you know perfectly well that you're acting like a big baby, but still, when you hear about all the fun they had, you wonder what's wrong with you, why don't they want to spend time with you, too.

And the hardest part is the listening to the stories, and hearing them call each other by little nicknames and knowing that they will never ever ask you along, unless it's as part of a much larger party. Ever.

And if you try to invite yourself, they'll say that they have other plans. How's that for pathetic? Chasing after people at your age, whining "Whatcha doing, can I come? Hey, wait up!"

It makes my heart hurt. And it doesn't matter that I know that the heart wants what it wants, and that it's not that they don't like me at all, it's just that they don't like me enough.

Today's horoscope:
You will consider an ethical or moral issue. Remember that the world is not always the way we would like it to be. Be reasonable.

One year ago today:
"Let's walk down some of those little streets and pretend that we live there but that we can't remember which one is our house."

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Jeweled fantasy by:
Jane Doe!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Tues 18 April 09:33:09 2000