Last night was so fun!

It was Katie's Ethnic Night school thing at the Elks Lodge, and Fran and Jon and I went. Fran said that he and Cynthia flipped a coin and he lost, but I wouldn't have missed it for all the world.

I dragged my ass out of work an hour early, and rushed home, meeting Fran in front of the Elks because he couldn't find the way in.

There was a cop on the corner; I can only assume that it is either the dullest police beat in America, or that they were expecting some of the hundred year old women in attendance to get real rowdy as the sixth graders did the cha-cha.

"I accidentally went into the VFW bar instead," Fran said, as we were trying doors, "What a scary place! A few sad old rummys sitting and starting--it made me want to go home and pour all of my beer down the sink."

We found the open door at last and went in and found Jon. And to remind everyone of relationships, Jon is Katie's dad, Fran is Katie's step-father and I'm Katie's...something. Friend, I guess.

It turned out that this wasn't the real Ethnic Night (actually called Cultural Something-Or-Other, but I'm used to calling it Ethnic Night), which will have several classes involved--it was a sort of preview/rehearsal thing.

We waited and waited for it to start, as the room filled up. At one point I whispered to Fran that we were the only people under 80 and over 4 in the room. And everyone knew each other, and clearly had known each other for decades, and it was just so small-town-y that you could just die.

We finally started after the mayor arrived and after another local politician had shaken hands with every single person in the room.

First on the mic was Mr. Festa, this hilarious old queen and former Broadway chorus boy who was the teacher and choreographer and director and general Mama Rose (he really did dance alongside the kids, calling out directions and re-positioning everyone), who couldn't tell a story the short way to save his life. He went on and on about his history teaching the kids over the centuries, as I started to giggle and realize that I would likely be biting the insides of my cheeks for the rest of the evening.

Finally it began, with a boy reading a paper that began "New York, New York, the isle of Manhattan..." and then going on to describe something about New York, New York, the isle of Manhattan. There were several readers over the course of the evening, and they all started the same way. I was barely containing my howls at the end.

And the funny thing was that it was like they were reading pages from a guidebook or regurgitating the encyclopedia. After the boy who read about Central Park ("blah blah blah acres with many lovely wooded areas") I asked if he was trying to sell it.

Anyway, at last was the first dance number, the tango.

The funniest thing was that they had fourteen boys and six girls, so some old ladies in the audience sprung up to partner some leftover boys. It was a scream. And all the girls are giraffes at that age, and the boys still look about eight years old, and it just couldn't have been cuter.

And I can say, without fear of reprisal, that Katie was by far the best. She was really dancing rather than just doing the steps, she was the only one with rhythm, the only one with stage presence, and the only one who was really there. In conclusion, Katie was great and everyone else sucked.

After the tango was the cha-cha, but first everyone had to change, so Mr. Festa had to vamp for ages. He was practically about to go into "Chapter One, I am born," or conversely, "I was born a poor black child," though Fran suggested "There once was a man from Nantucket," when the kids finally returned.

They did the cha-cha as a group of little kids with short skirts and Minnie Mouse bows in their hair (not the boys) to an Italian version of "Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" and there was only one old bat with a skirt and a bow, thank goodness, and again, Katie blew them out of the water.

After it was over, Mr. Festa said "Okay, they don't know that I was going to do this, but all these boys know the tango too, there just weren't enough girls, so lets do the first number again!" I wondered if that might make the evening a little long, doing every single number twice, but fortunately he restrained himself for the remainder of the evening.

After another long story-filled and strangled giggle provoking episode, the kids came on again to do "The Telephone Song" from Bye Bye Birdie ("What's so ethnic about 50's era WASPS?" I asked when I first heard), which is highly amusing when done with six girls and hundreds of boys.

"They look like they are doing West Side Story," I said to Fran, "Except that they are all Sharks!" he replied.

They were supposed to also do "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miz, but Mr. Festa ended the evening there, probably to no-one's regret but mine.

We ran into Molly and Bonnie's babysitter, invited by Katie as well, and she remarked that it was too bad that Cynthia couldn't be there, and asked whether she'd come to the big show in May. "She sure will!" enthused Fran, as it will be her turn to be the good parent next time, I can't wait, personally, as I've rarely spent a more amusing evening. Of course, I don't get out much.

Today's horoscope:
Optimism is emphasized. You're more restless today, with an urge to travel, to learn, to share ideas, or to make changes.

One year ago today:
The problem is, as with all things, the stupid people.

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Jeweled fantasy by:
Jane Doe!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Fri 14 April 10:21:09 2000