(The Mighty Kymm--you'll not see nothing like!)


25 September

Being the only person in the Kool Klub™, practically, who has yet to read Stee, means I am also just about the last person in the Kool Klub™ to do his survey!

Rectifying as we speak...

(yellow butterfly)

1. Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius?

I've never been gorgeous, and though I'd like to, I've always been smart and know what I would be missing if I wasn't. So I choose the latter. See? If I chose the former I wouldn't use words like "latter" and "former"! O, what you readers would miss...

2. If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be?

Actor: David Arquette.
Actress: Courtney Cox for marrying David Arquette.

3. If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be?

Ted Nugent. Though I think he'd shoot me with an arrow if I did!

4. If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be?

My brother, also known as He Who Holds Grudges--he was mad at his mother and didn't speak to her before she died, he was mad at his sister (when last I heard) and wouldn't let her see his daughter, and he never responded to the news of our father dying. Probably because he was mad at him, too.

Either him or my sister's boyfriend (not-quite-brother-in-law) who doesn't believe in the Holocaust.

5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be?

I don't find this question as revolting as many do, because I barely know most of my relatives! My cousin Copain is gorgeous, and my mother and his mother are half-sisters, so he's not really much of a relative.

6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do?

Gotta go with Beth on this one. I'd say "Goodness me, there's a spider on my wall! I wonder if he is acquainted with the other seventy spiders on my wall? And why the hell do I have so many flies in this apartment, you lazy spiders!"

7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-o’-water transfer?

Both, actually, leaning and splashing.

8.David Blaine or David Copperfield?

Since David Blaine is the centre of all that is tiresome (wait, can I bitchslap him?) I gotta go with David Copperfield.

9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear?

I have 200,000 pairs of underwear, but back when I had fewer and would occasionally run out, I would go for the third option, hand-washing a pair and then drying it on the shower rod or in the microwave.

10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking?

Beautiful.

11.Favorite cussword / phrase?

Actually, one I rarely use here, but it's "Mothapussbucket!". I'm also partial to "Sonovamotherfuckingbitch!"

12.Letterman or Leno?

Bizarrely, I always watch Leno but far prefer Letterman. I don't understand it myself.

13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko?

Nothing quiet about them--totally wacko.

14.Siegfried or Roy?

Who's the dark one, Roy? He's the one who talks to tigers, I like him.

15.What do you desire sexually that you’re too embarrassed to ever request?

Please... gimme a break.

16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong?

Rae Dawn Chong is in one of my favourite movies ever, Choose Me, so definitely her.

17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin?

O c'mon, Christopher Robin is six years old! And Mickey Mouse has a girlfriend.

18.You’re depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you?

Duh.

19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald?

I've been in love with Donald since I was a tot, Kiefer's just a sad, pale substitute. And short, too.

20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart?

Well, no matter what a bitchslap-worthy dork he turned into, he was great in Lucas, so Haim.

21.Mary-Kate or Ashley?

Who can tell?

22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because you’re scared of people, or because people are scared of you?

Scared of people.

23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Miller’s "The Joker"?

I just skip that bit.

24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom?

Andy Dick, Andy Dick and Andy Dick. And the sooner the better.

25.It’s 4pm, your husband calls from work to say he’s bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare?

Divorce papers. Who are these people who bring their bosses home for dinner? I have never has a boss in my life that I would choose to eat with, let alone invite to my house.

26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift?

Yes.

27.Your ass or your elbow?

My ass is less scaly than my elbow, so I'd have to go with it.

28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman?

I couldn't pick any of them out of a police lineup.

29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback?

Perhaps at 70 when he's a quaint oldies act.

30.Let’s just say you’re walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend?

Yes. You're going to hell just for asking that question.

(butterfly line)

Today's horoscope:
Passion is backed by patience and endurance, showing a capacity for sustained lovemaking. Stamina for pleasure is in high focus.

One year ago today:
O wait! I am a wage-slave!

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Butterfly Delight by:
Beth!

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Last Updated Sat 25 September 12:01:09 1999