22 March
So, yesterday was a mighty full day!
First, the children were saved from a trip to the firey pits of Hell, had breakfast, then was the show, and finally, the Oscars! Almost too much for a single Sunday to contain.
Yes, Molly and Bonnie were baptized yesterday morning, and myself and Fran's brother Steve stood as godparents (Fran called his brother and said "Would you like to come and see my children be turned into Protestants?"). I did think it amusing that of the four adults there, three were Catholics.
Deke, the minister, had a chat with us all beforehand, and explained to Molly that he would be putting some water on her head, but that did not stop her from evidencing a severely annoyed look when he actually did it! Bonnie, on the other hand, actually blocked him, pushing his hand away on the "and the son" part, therefor specifically rejecting Jesus and giving the congregation a good laugh.
Also, the Sunday school kids showed off the posters they had made for Sharing is Caring Hour (whatever the hell that is, though I assume it has something vaguely to do with sharing, not to mention caring).
Katie and two other girls showed off their very nice poster with arms holding out things (sharing, get it?) and the letters S H A R E each in a different colour, symbolizing, as one of the girls said, "The five elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Grape Juice".
Presbyterians are so weird! Or perhaps it is that ten year olds are weird. Ten year old Presbyterians?
Afterwards, we all went out to brunch, which Bonnie slept through, giving everyone a chance to actually eat their breakfasts without interruption, something that her mother, for one, appreciated heartily.
She slept so sounding and immovably, in fact, that Cynthia commented that perhaps she was in such a state of grace after being baptized that she had actually died!
My breakfast was very good, but for the fact that I could not get a hard boiled egg to save my life! And it's not that they refused, as sometimes they do, instead they said that they were going to do it, but brought me a dish full of loose egg mess!
"Um, these aren't hard boiled."
"You mean that you want the shells on?"
"Well, sure, but I also want them to be hard boiled!"
Sometimes I feel as though they don't want me to wait as long it would actually take to hard boil eggs, but if you know that that's what you want, then you expect to have to wait ten minutes!
Or half an hour, in my case, because a second try never got to me. The third try was pretty good--one loose nasty egg and two fairly hardish eggs, but since I only wanted two and they only offered three, it all worked out for the best!
Then was the show.
I only found out a couple of weeks ago that our closing night would be on Oscar night, freakishly being held on a Sunday night, so I have been bitching not only about the fact that I wouldn't be able to watch it, but that there would be nobody in the audience! And then, when I left the house to go to the theatre and found that it was pouring down rain, I knew that they would be performing, basically, for me alone.
Bizarrely, though, the house wasn't bad at all! Who were these people? What was wrong with them? Not that I am complaining, no, not by any stretch of the imagination.
After the show I had to hang around to bring my boombox home, so I couldn't run home to start watching the show, not that I would have anyway! I decided to tape the Oscars and not watch a single second of it until it was over, then rewind the tape watch it all in a row.
It never occurred to me that the fucker would run four hours!!
Random thoughts on the Oscars:
Did Whoopi Goldberg just say "shit"?
I love Frank Langella and have loved him since seeing Dracula six times at the age of 15, but he really isn't famous enough to get as many close-ups as he did. Lucky he's screwing the host!
O my God, James Coburn? I didn't see that one coming!
Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey massacring that beautiful song from The Prince of Egypt while pretending that they don't hate each other's guts? Kill me now. No, seriously, just kill me now!! The only thing stopping me from fast-forwarding through it is the hope that they will start scratching each other's eyes out.
Yay Dame Judi! I've been a fan of hers for many years
I love all those shots of Roberto Benigni smiling happily and laughing merrily and clearly only getting about one word in ten, if not twenty!
Literally two minutes after I wrote the above, Whoopi teased Benigni about not getting her jokes. I'd sue her for psychically stealing my material, except for the fact that I was watching it on tape, so I guess must have plucked it from her brain!
I'm digging all the anti-Kazan jokes. Motherfucking rat bastard.
I love beards. No, really I do, I'm always trying to talk people into doing so, but Tom Hanks really shouldn't grow one. His face looks like a chest.
You know, I have seen Benigni win several awards this year, starting with the Palme D'Or, and I truly believe that someday that man will literally explode with joy.
I guess they decided to have Andie McDowell and Andy Garcia present an award together before they knew that Just the Ticket would be a disaster.
Okay, that's one loss for Randy Newman.
That shirtless Spanish dancer sure is making my day. But why do they keep stopping the music for him to dance? Isn't this a music category? I don't think that these are really the kinds of scores that you tap dance to, no matter how talented you are, but maybe it's just me...
Fuck. That's two losses for Randy Newman. If he loses all three, I'm opening up a vein.
How many outfits is Whoopi going to wear, for heaven's sake? So far it's 11 million, by my count.
I know why the show ran so long, it's because so many people died! All these tributes!
What on earth is Helen Hunt wearing? Were it a trifle more low cut, she could get a job at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas!
Wow! Yay Benigni!
When did Peter Gabriel turn into Curly from the Three Stooges?
One can only hope that Robert DeNiro's hair is like that in penance for giving a special award to Kazan "Let Lainie sing!". I loved the sight of the people like Ed Harris and Amy Madigan and Nick Nolte not clapping. Yes, the man is a brilliant director, but he has Oscars for that, as was said yesterday on a mailing list that I am on:
(I'm paraphrasing as I can't find the e-mail) "He should not get a Lifetime Achievement award, as one of the achievements of his lifetime was being a loathsome coward, aka a friendly witness."
This year I know who Jennifer Lopez is!
Well, that's eleven nominations, eleven losses, and Randy Newman is the Susan Lucci of the Oscars. What is the matter with these people?!
Yay Gwyneth! I really am very pleased. I must see that movie again. Nice of her to mention Joseph Fiennes, after everyone forgetting to mention him at the SAG awards! That was quite a speech. It made me cry.
Well, of course the Shakespeare in Love screenplay had to win, for heaven's sake, what with it being one of the most tight, wonderful, clever scripts ever written and all.
Why does Kevin Costner's voice over sound so bizarre? Like it was recorded over a transatlantic phone line. With a bad connection, no less!
Yay Shakespeare in Love!! Boy, it was supposed to be Saving Private Ryan's year, and that sure didn't happen, did it?
Hey, not bad, due to judicious fast-forwarding, I watched this slightly over four hour show in slightly under three hours!
Today's horoscope:
Don't let work "get" to you today. You're taking it too seriously and worrying about the future. It will all work out.
One year ago today:
Unless I can invent a recipe for a delicious meal consisting chiefly cat food and blank video tapes!
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Last Updated Mon 22 March 10:00:09 1999