The Mighty Kymm-2 March 1999

2 March

Okay, today's "I was posting so much to diary-l that I have neither the time nor the energy to write a real entry and besides it was a really interesting discussion" recycling is on what the on-line journal writer owes the reader and is the journal separate from the writer, and does the reader have a say in anything:

(In answer to the question why can't the readers accept that when a journal ends, it is only the journaller's business?)

...I don't agree that the on-line journal does not, in part, belong to the reader. If the reader has put an investment of time and interest into a journal, then they have the right to be angry or sad or upset when it ends. It is the writer's prerogative to end her journal when he or she sees fit, but it is my prerogative as a reader to wish that there would be more to read.

..If it were a newspaper column that I particularly enjoyed, or a series of books, I wouldn't want it to end either. And I certainly hope that if and when I decide to end my own journal, that my readers won't shrug their shoulders and say "O well, who cares?"

(In answer to the comment that readers don't own the journal, it belongs to the writer alone)

If I buy a book and read it and love it (or get it from the library, paying for it or the author getting paid is not my point), it belongs to me. In a different way than it belongs to the writer, but it becomes a part of me. I can name a hundred books that belong to me in that fashion (and I am thinking of personal writing rather than fiction, to keep the analogy even), and since I view on-line diaries as serial books, the stories belong to me in the same fashion.

I didn't mean angry with you, such as "How dare you betray me by stopping writing!!" but rather like "Damn! I don't get to read this anymore!"...

(In answer to the question, is it all on the writer? Don't the readers have responsibility to realize that we are people, not characters in books?)

Yes, of course it is, but when what you tell in your journal (the general you) are the kinds of stories that you tell to your close friends, or you have a really chatty style, like you are having a conversation with the reader, people are going to feel closer to you personally than they do to the person who runs the International Movie Database. When a story is written, the people in the story are characters in the story even if they are real people, even if they are you, even if they are me.

I just read all of Betty MacDonald's books, about her life on the chicken farm, about her battle with tuberculosis, about living on the island, her husbands, her children, her family, and now I feel absolutely like I know them all, because she told me all about herself and everyone in her life. Of course, the reality is that I do not know her, and what with her being dead and all, I won't ever know her beyond the books, but that doesn't change the fact that that's how I feel.

I have started thinking that the character of Kymm in the journal is separate from the real me. I think that is because when a story is written down, it becomes itself and is separate from my actual memory of the event. Like a photograph. Am I making sense? Does anyone else feel that way?

I have gotten rather far away from the original question, but in short (too late!) I do believe that it is the reader's responsibility to not be loony, not the writer's responsibility not to make the reader loony, but the writer needs to accept that the more personal the writing, the closer the reader will feel to them...

(In answer to the question, why don't you know Betty MacDonald, having read the books containing the stories that she would tell her friends?)

Because a real person is in three dimensions and a written version of yourself will only show so many sides. I only know the stuff that she chose to write, and the spin she put on it, how much of it was true? How much of it was perhaps viewed in a better light than it would have had she not been writing generally comic stories? It's a whole 'nother ball of wax, the real person.

I think that the people who know me best are the ones who know me both in the journal and in real life, because you get all the sides of the story that you can get, besides the ones that I keep in my head just for me.

It was interesting, discovering and defining my thoughts as I was typing them. I believe that I belong to myself alone, and that my life is my own and what I do with my life is my business, and if I ever decide to stop keeping an on-line journal, that is ultimately my decision.

I am not my journal, my journal is a book that I'm writing, and if anyone can read it, then it isn't only mine, but it belongs (in a non-copyright infringing kind of way) to you as well.

Now, don't make me regret that paragraph!

Today's horoscope:
Self-analysis comes easily today, as you examine your deepest motives. You will gain insight into what makes you tick.

One year ago today:
Those on Diary-L must have thought that all that goddamn boring talk about suicide had driven me to throw myself out the window!

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Last Updated Tues 2 March 10:03:09 1999