31 July
Time to start talking about my show, since it's just about driving me to distraction.
Okay, it's called If Billy Had Been Earnest and it's a western version of The Importance of Being Earnest with a framing device about a little theatre company in the Old West putting on the show.
The reason that it's called If Billy Had Been Earnest is because Billy the Kid has shot one of the actors in the show and must go on in the Algy role so as to stay out of jail.
My cast consists Jed, Joanie, Tracy, Kitty, Wende, Hal and a new guy named Cliff. I know that that meant nothing to anyone besides the former and present company members reading this (hi Lee, Diana and Bart!) but basically that means an all star cast.
Now, I have known all of these people (besides new guy Cliff) for seven to eleven years, have acted with most of them, admire them all mightily--so what's the problem?
The problem is that this show is getting away from me. When I am directing I have reams of confidence, masses of ideas, and a very firm vision, though I am always open to suggestions by the cast. In this show, though, one of my actors is making me question every single thing that I think, everything that I do.
It's not his fault, not really. It's just that he think that I am an idiot, that it's astonishing that I don't drown in the rain. And the point is that he is entirely right, because when I'm around him I both feel and act like an idiot. He is treating me like I treated my director on my last show, with sort of a polite contempt.
Of course, this is his natural aura. We call him the Audience Killer, because when he is in the house, nobody laughs. Not because of anything particular that he does, just because of his mere presence. It's hard to explain. He doesn't do it on purpose, he thinks he's being supportive, but he is the most intimidating person I know.
I'm doing pretty well with the other actors, but they are all brilliant. I have decided that if the show goes well it won't have a thing to do with me, and may even be in spite of me.
I don't know what I'm doing, I wasn't ready for a full-length, I am doing everything in a different order than usual, we open a week from Tuesday and I only started blocking yesterday. I usually block really early, like second rehearsal early. I don't know how it happened that I'm so behind.
I talked to Cynthia last night about this.
"Actor Who Will Remain Unnamed hates me!"
"O, he's like that with everyone, you know that."
"But he has good reason to, I'm completely wishy-washy and useless and stupid and I can't direct. I need to direct only people less talented and experienced than myself."
"But you directed Fran and me and you were fine."
"That was different."
"Look, either he feels that way or he doesn't feel that way--it doesn't actually matter. What matters is that you have gotten as low as you can get and you have nothing to lose. So you might as well take the show back."
Isn't she wise? We'll see what happens at tonight's rehearsal.
Today's horoscope:
Energy, action, charisma and courage are important in your relationship. Find positive (not negative) excitement or risk-taking.
One year ago today:
Nothing up my sleeve, and, presto!
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Starry starry night by:
Samantha Marcelo!
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Last Updated Thurs 29 July 10:18:09 1999