10 January
Do you feel a warm sense of contentment and joy and warmth emanating from this page? Well, you should.
Yesterday, Cynthia was going to drive me to Home Depot after bringing Molly home from a birthday party, and the second they were home I was up in the kitchen looking hopeful. Were I a German Shepherd, I would have had my leash in my mouth.
She said that she kinda wanted to eat and maybe watch a little of the football game first, and I begged her to lend me the car instead, which she did after writing down a complicated set of directions.
Bizarrely, I did not get lost on my way there, which, since the directions involved cutting through the parking lot of another store and going in the wrong directions on purpose, I considered to be an unmitigated triumph.
So I parked and went into Home Depot.
My God, that place is terrifying. If you've never been there, it's like this giant warehouse with shelves full of unidentifiable buildy thing stretching a mile up into the sky and way beyond the horizon. It was like the library in heaven in What Dreams May Come, except with power tools.
There was so much serious testosterone about the place that I thought that if I didn't get out of there fast enough, I'd grow a cock.
O, and if you've ever seen those Home Depot commercials with the really super helpful, friendly staff, they are a giant crock, as they are all as mean as snakes. Clearly, though, everyone has been told to say "hi" to the customers, because every time I tried to get someone to answer a simple question, they said "hi" right before scurrying away.
But I finally got one--had to use one of those big inhumane traps, but before he chewed his own leg off and fled into the night, he told me that they did not, in fact, have one of those feet heaters that Anhedonia mentioned, so I had to just get a regular space heater.
But it was the most beautiful regular space heater in all the land. It is not only a little ceramic heater, it is an Oscillating Twin Ceramic Heater! It is not only at least twice as good as the really expensive one that I didn't buy, it also cost half as much!
Take that, lousy Manhattan hardware stores! I spit on your high prices and bad service! I can get lower prices and much worse service only a short drive from my house!
Then I drove home.
Well, not straight home, of course. First I had to accidentally drive to Jersey City again! It's a tradition.
I hate driving in New Jersey, since everything is one way and you can never turn left, and if you miss one little badly marked exit, and I always miss one little badly marked exit, you end up going to Jersey City whether you want to or not.
It's as though Jersey City is this giant sucking vortex of doom, drawing all cars inexorably into its maw. Okay, maybe I'm over-reacting, but honestly, I always end up in Jersey City.
Then I missed the exit home, but there was a second chance there (thank goodness, or else I would have ended up who knows where?), and the second exit comes out at the House of Pancakes so I decided that it was a sign from God that I should go in and have a Breakfast Sampler.
And then I checked the gas gauge and noticed that the car was running on hope, so I bought Cynthia $5 worth of gas as a thank you, 'cause I'm all polite and thoughtful and things.
So I got home and plugged in my space heater, and it oscillated and it heated and in a couple of hours I had to turn it off because it was too hot in my apartment! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I am clam-happy, baby.
Today's horoscope:
You feel pulled between the domestic front and the outer world today. Divide your time and energy as best you can.
One year ago today:
Kevin and I are going to have to work hard for anyone to notice that we're on-stage at all!
* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *
Cool wintery logo and graphics by:
Wing Sze!
This page was written by hand. My hand. Only
pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Sun 10 January 13:13:09 1999