1 January
Yippee! Happy New Year!
And it's a full moon, too! I see omens in everything--I wonder if it means a special year? Let's hope it's better than last year, if nothing else. Although actually last year wasn't too bad, when it comes right down to it, so how about "Let's hope it's just as good as last year, except that I get laid!"
That'll do it.
So yesterday was all about my skull.
Everything that I did yesterday, and I did plenty yesterday, was all above the neck.
First, I got up at the crack of damn dawn (am I dreaming this, or have I gotten up earlier on this vacation as a rule than I do during the work week?) in order to get to Dr. Rappaport's and get the stitch out of my nose at 8.40a.
The funny thing was that the nurse clutched the stitch in her tweezers, and it came right out without her having to cut it!
I could have slept in and pulled it out myself!
And why did I have an appointment at 8.40a, for God's sake? Because I had a facial at 9.45a, that's why!
Some months ago, you see, I read in People Magazine about this guy named Ole Henriksen who has a spa in LA and I was seized with a desperate longing to have a facial at his joint.
It's an extra $60 if you wanted an appointment with Ole (pronounced OOO-lah) himself, but I didn't much care about him so much as I cared about his products, so a woman from Yugoslavia named Olga did my facial.
I have never had a facial before. I have no idea what I have been doing with my time. How could I possibly have lived 34 years on this earth without having a facial? What was I thinking?
As you might have gathered, it was fantastic. She must have put ten different things on my skin, and massaged my face, and steamed me, and used massaging brushes, and squeezed about ten million blackheads of which I was entirely unaware. It took an hour and a half, and when it was over my skin looked great and felt really soft and I was happy as a clam.
Plus I got to buy products! I got stuff to put on my face morning and evening, and soap (soap!), and moisturizer, and face scrubby, and body scrubby. I was in heaven.
So, you LA residents, Ole Henriksen, Sunset Blvd., Olga. Worth every penny.
And then I went to my eye doctor.
I've been going to my eye doctor, Dr. Laser, for simply centuries. He's really swell, but he's so deadpan that it took me probably ten or fifteen years before I realized that he was funny, and that he got my jokes. I was scared to death of him forever.
He does this thing where he's looking at your retina and shining a light in your eye, and he says "Look at my ear look at your left foot look down at your right foot right elbow right ear look up look at my ear" all in a row, no pauses that would confuse the hell out of me, because I cannot remember which is right and which is left quite so fast!
I have a huge crush on his assistant, Dr. Bik. He's cute as hell, in a medical kind of way. So it was fun to see him, and I was hoping that I would need a stronger prescription, not because I am particularly interested in going blind, but I have recently (since this weekend) been seized with a desperate need to get new glasses.
I have had the same frames since 1986, and I was perfectly happy with them until I saw Beth's glasses this weekend, and, since I aspire to be her (homeowner, nice boyfriend, cats who generally use the cat box, etc. etc.) I figure I'll start with the glasses.
So, no new script, no new glasses, right? Wrong! I forgot that my current glasses have giant scratches all over them, scratch-proof coating or no scratch-proof coating, and that I had already discussed with Mom the fact that I need new glasses!
Of course, Frame 'n' Lens was closed, it being New Year's eve and stuff, but come Saturday I'm there, man, trying to become Beth.
I wonder how soon after getting the glasses I get the house and the boyfriend?
So you see? Nose, face, eyes. All above the neck!
And what did I do New Year's Eve? Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve, baby, and glad of it! I spent too many years in catering to much enjoy New Years Eve parties, though I do enjoy the idea of the turning of the year.
Also, I wasn't invited anywhere, but I probably wouldn't have gone, anyway!
Happy New Year again, darlings. Have a great year!
Today's horoscope:
It is time to consolidate and protect your position at work. You need to do something to contribute to your sense of safety.
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Last Updated Sat 2 January 22:29:09 1998