Okay, I'm going to try to tell this story. And not care who might read it.

The company party was Friday, and I didn't know whether I was going or not, but since I had refused to babysit so that Cynthia and Fran could go to their blackbelt dinner, I was pretty certain that I had to go, or Cynthia would kill me.

But I didn't know whether I was going with him or not. He had asked me to go with him, you see, but I later found out that it was just a joke, that because no-one could bring outside dates to the party, everyone in the company was jokingly asking everyone else to go with them.

So, it was Friday afternoon, and I still didn't know what was happening. I had my dressy outfit with me in a bag, and my shoes and makeup. In the ladies room were all these women and girls getting dressed, doing their hair and makeup, and they were having so much fun that I thought that I might go anyway, even without him. I went into the back to FedEx stuff, and he asked me if I would be working late.

"I haven't decided yet."
"Well, I have to work until 10p."
"Are you going over after?"
"Yeah, I'll drop by on my way home."
"Well, if you're sure you're going, I'll wait and go over with you."
"Well, I'm not completely sure..."

So I didn't know what to do. But I thought I'd work late for awhile and see what would happen.

An hour or so later, he came by my cube and said that he thought that he would put the 10a FedEx pickup stuff down into the lobby with the doorman and leave around 9.30p or so.

"So, do you want to go?"
"Yes!"
"Really? You do?"
"Yes!"
"If it wasn't on Tavern on the Green I'd just go home, but I've never been there."
"Me neither."
"I'm only going to want to stay an hour or two, because I'm really tired."
"That's okay, I don't mind."
"Okay, around 9.30p, then!"

So I worked and worked, and around 8.30p I went into the back to send out some checks and he was closing down. The 8p pickup was being picked up at that moment, and there was so little for the 10p pickup that he had cancelled it. So I ran to get dressed.

I wore my wine silk tunic and trousers with a long sleeved velvet shirt ofer it that I got for Christmas, and I made up my face and I let my hair down. It was a little flat, but you know what? I looked great.

I went back to get him and tell him I was ready, and he did a double-take. Very gratifying. He locked my big bag in his drawer so that I wouldn't have to lug it around, and put my wallet in his pocket, and off we went!

We walked over to the restaurant, and found the room with our party. I must say, that Tavern on the Green is about the tackiest place I have ever walked into. There are all these massive elements, like huge chandeliers with dark blue crystals, and stained glass lamps and windows, and in kind of a nineteenth century hunting lodge, and nothing went together and it was all massively ugly.

I loved it.

When we walked in, we were at the far end of a long room, and everyone else was all the way at the other end, dancing to the "Greatest Hits For Weddings, Barmitzvas, and Graduation Parties" (YMCA, Hot Hot Hot, The Macarena, etc.) and we sat down there and started drinking.

As people would pass on their way out, we would flag them down and say hi, and they would sit with us for a minute, and they all told me how nice I looked, and seemed very surprised.

"I've never seen you wear lipstick before!" Adam said.

When we got our second drinks, he said that after that one, he would be ready to dance, and then, about halfway through it, he said that he wanted to mingle, so we walked over to the other side of the room and split up, talking to different people.

Most people I talked to were ragingly drunk. Linus had a conversation with me during which he rubbed against my breasts about ten times--I kept taking little steps backwards, and he kept taking little steps following me, and he'd lean in again to talk into my ear, and his arm would brush against my breast. I was ready to slug him.

I looked up, and someone had dragged him onto the dance floor. I was pretty surprised that he was such a good dancer, and stood and watched him, along with everyone else. It's so funny to see people that you know from a work environment letting their hair down like that--the most unexpected people were great dancers, and some were so horrible that they were adorable.

I was enjoying just watching, but after a bit he came to me and he asked me to dance. I probably should remember what the first song we danced to, but I was on my third screwdriver, and I didn't really know the songs. I think it was house or something. We danced and danced and danced. It was great.

Then we went off to the side, and that's when people started saying things to me. One girl hollered drunkenly in my ear "I know I'm drunk, but I heard rumours and I don't know if they're true, but you guys are so cute together! I mean, I know I'm drunk, but I heard rumours and I don't know if they're true, but you guys are so cute together!" And then when another girl pulled him out onto the floor, ol' boob grabbing Linus said "You should do something about that! That's dangerous! You should do something about that! You should do something about that!"

What is it about having loads to drink that makes people repeat themselves again and again?

Anyway, everything was over and there were about ten of us left, mostly weaving drunkenly, and we all went out to the taxi stand. Kam and him were going to share a cab, since they lived nearby each other, and I took that opportunity to just walk away. I was going to grab a subway to the van, not actually walk the whole way, but I stopped on the corner and I heard my name, and it was him calling me to get into their cab.

We drove to the Port Authority, and Kam kept saying:
"Are you okay? Are you sure you can get home alright? Do you want to come home with one of us? (To him) She should go home with you!"
"Well, I don't really have the room..."
"She could sleep in the piano! You could both sleep in the piano..."

But he was non-committal, and I didn't say anything, and we got to the Port Authority and he gave me back my wallet and I sort of stomped out of the cab without saying goodnight and went home.

Yesterday I went into work, as I had planned to all along, and really wanted to not say anything to him and not see him and not talk to him, because I was so upset about the night before, but came the time that I had to do my FedExing, I went in the back and he was there.

He asked me if I had been mad the night before, and I said that I wasn't, because I am me and that's the kind of thing that I say. I refused to talk to him, and he didn't try very hard to talk to me after I made it really clear that, words to the contrary, I was pissed as hell at him.

I went back to my desk and though that no matter how mad I was, he really was trying, and to refuse to admit to being angry is one of my worst habits, so I went back again to talk to him, and to get my bag back that he had locked up the night before.

Another guy was there then, so I really couldn't say much (not that I would have anyway--I don't know what I would have said) but I asked for and he gave me my bag, and I looked him i the eye and said quietly:

"It's not fair of me to say that I'm not mad when I obviously am, and I apologize for that."
He sort of nodded and smiled and said "Okay. I'll see you later."

And I left.

As I told my private list, when I told them that story last night, it's a pretty big step for me to actually admit that I am angry to the person that I am angry at. Nothing else was resolved, and maybe everything is over between us, but at least I did that much.

Today's horoscope:
Nature or awe-inspiring surroundings can help you achieve a sense of inner peace and serenity which will be valuable today.

One year ago today:
"We're moving for heaven's sake! Nobody's here but me!"

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Last Updated Sun 21 February 14:24:09 1999