So yesterday I thought "What am I doing? Why am I not getting a Zip drive? Some weird 'I don't want to max out this credit card' thing, when I quite desperately need a Zip drive, and what I'll do is spend money on other crap and end up not having the money for a Zip drive. Which I need! Dammit!!"

So I bopped over to CompUSA and spent an embarrassing amount of money, but all of the expensive things I got (the Zip drive and disks, a microphone and Clean Sweep software) I really needed, and all of the things that I didn't really need but wanted (7th Guest and 11th Hour packaged together, You Don't Know Jack movie edition, and 1500 fonts on a cd rom) were pretty cheap, so I didn't feel so bad, but my God it was alot of money.

So I went home after work and ran Clean Sweep (I was unimpressed--it kept telling me that by dumping a bunch of stuff I would reclaim 4 megs, but then I'd check in the file manager and my free total was only 1 meg more) and installed my Zip drive and went from 70 free megs to 160 free megs and I'm not even done moving stuff yet!

Anyway, this took hours and I was too tired to think of clever things to say, so I thought that I would let somebody else do it!

Thoughts on the Oscars by Robert B. Dimmick

Be careful how you talk about Affleck and Damon, girlfrien'...those're hometown boys you're talkin' about!

And I'm sorry, you can't show up in Scarlett O'Hara's drapes and expect to win Best Actress, Miss Winslet! (True, emerald green velvet is my signature fabric, and the gold embroidery was lovely, but lawsy Miz Scahlett, that thing looked like a robe de chambre that could've gaped open any second!) My vote for Best Dress goes to Minnie Driver and Neve Campbell. Helen Hunt and Kim Basinger would be runners-up.

Best Accessory to Luise Rainer for that marvelous Juliet cap! Everyone should have one!

Most Astute Fashion Choice to Shirley Jones, for that fire-engine red frock that could be spotted a mile in the midst of all those Oscar veterans.

Most Improved Fashion Choice to Geena Davis.

Best Use of One's Own Silhouette: Celine Dion, but I predict she'll be following Bonnie Tyler to Tahoe anyway.

Cameron Diaz looked so bled out and limp that she probably borrowed Scarlett O'Hara's sheers for that outfit. Can't Revlon Revolutionary adopt her for a makeover or something?

What was that basket thing with Cher? Fill it with fruit and come as Carmen Miranda next year, why doncha?! Oy!

Worst Hair Award to Madonna: it didn't work for Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and it didn't work for Madonna, either.

I was so relieved not to see any short skirts this year.

But would someone please explain to the men that you wear a white shirt and a black bow tie with a tuxedo, and not any other variation!!! Who were those refugee Wild West butlers who won...was it Best Makeup for Men in Black?...with the frock coats, wing collars, and neckties? Back to the ranch with that, man!

Antonio Banderas should have appeared naked.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

One year ago today:
"I never knew that The Rolling Stones were a band, I've only heard of the magazine!"

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Last Updated Thurs 7 May 13:44:09 1998