Well, here I am in LA, typing on my mother's horrible computer!!

It does have a much better keyboard than mine, so at least it's easier to type. On my keyboard, the spacebar has stopped working, so I either have to pound on it or go back and add spaces between all of the words.

Anyway, my flight yesterday was at 3.20p, so I got up at 9.30a, having put a load of wash into the machine before bed the night before. I started drying it right away, but it wasn't actually dry and ready to pack until like 12.30p. I swear, that is the slowest dryer in Christendom.

While I was waiting for it to dry, I washed the dishes and threw out the food in the fridge (turkey carcass, etc.) and cleaned the cat box and took out the trash and packed everything that wasn't in the dryer and practically broke my arm patting myself on the back.

I turned on HBO2 that just left it on as I was puttering around the house. I watched Batman Forever, which I had never seen and I didn't find anything like as appalling as everyone and her brother said it would be!

Of course, I was half-watching it with one eye while doing a million other things, not really paying attention, and hadn't paid $9 to see it. I think these are excellent conditions in which to watch a Batman sequel, me.

After that was a documentary of a man dying of AIDS made by his daughter, which was quite good, and then, right before I left the house, Ordinary People started! Why on earth one of my favourite movies couldn't have been on earlier so that I could have actually watched it is beyond me.

Anyway, I ended up leaving the house at about 1.45p, which was about half an hour/45 minutes later than I wanted to (Cynthia was driving me to the Port Authority, where I was going to catch the airport bus to Newark) and I was a little worried that, what with the bombing of Iraq, there would be extra security at the airport, and check-in would be really slow, and maybe I'd miss my flight again. Not that everything, bombing included, is about me, but you know what I mean.

Got to the Port Authority at 1.55p, just in time for the 2p bus, got to the airport at 2.30p, checked my luggage, went through the security checkpoints, and was at my gate at...

2.37p.

Boy o boy, that extra security sure slowed me down!

The flight was okay, even though I was in the hideous middle seat and I didn't know until I got on the plane so I didn't change it at check-in. I don't know if I could have, though, since the plane was really full, but I would have liked to try!

It wasn't so bad. The seats on American aren't as goddamn narrow as they are on some planes, so it certainly could have been worse, but still, I'd have preferred an aisle seat.

Before the flight started, the stewardess confirmed with the woman next to me about her special meal.

"But I didn't order a special meal", she protested.
"Well, you're getting one! Did someone else make your reservation for you?"
"Yes."
"If there are extra meals, you can get a different one, but we're really full, so there may well not be."
"It's just that I'm really hungry, and granola won't do it for me."

Then, when the meal arrived, and she was poking her fork at what looked like some kind of stew consisting primarily of lentils, I said:

"Well, at least it's special! Special Olympics kind of special!"

The movie was The Parent Trap remake, which I enjoyed muchly. I liked the way even though so much was changed, they would keep the important things, like the cabins were still named Arapaho and Navaho as they should be. Also, there was the occasional line verbatim from the original, which was, I'm sure, a present for the former little girls like me who grew up on the original.

Of course, the question why a 26 year old woman would be interested in the dad "I can think of a million reasons, and they're all in the bank" is slightly muddied by the fact that he's Dennis Quaid, for heaven's sake! I mean, duh!!

I loved the way the fiancee's mother was the actress who played the fiancee in the first film, and that her name was still Vicki.

After it was over, I read a video review in my Entertainment Weekly that disparaged both the sequel and the original, which I couldn't understand. I mean, I get not liking the sequel because you are so attached to the original and don't like the changes, but not liking the original? Not liking Susan and Sharon and Miss Inch and Hecky and Hayley Mills?

Then I noticed that the review was written by a man, and all became clear.

The funniest thing happened when we were landing.

You know how when the plane comes down and they say "Please stay seated until the seat belt light is turned off and the plane has completely stopped moving" and how always a few jokers leap up like jack-in-the-boxes as soon as the plane pauses even for a nanosecond?

Well, this time, the stewardess got on the intercom again and said "For those of you who weren't listening, sit back down until we are parked at the gate!"

I could hear the plops all around me as they dropped back into their seats as though they had been shot. It was hilarious. I laughed like a drain.

So anyway, the plane landed at LAX and I went to Baggage Claim in order to claim my baggage.

I always think those signs that say that baggage looks alike so be certain to check the tags are hilarious, since my suitcases never look like anyone else's on God's green earth, but this year things were a little different, since Mom gave me one of those stewardess suitcases on wheels, so I was looking carefully.

Fortunately, mine was easy to spot, being covered with a thick layer of cat hair, rendering it instantly recognizable.

Then I went out to the curb to wait for Mom.

And I waited. And waited. And waited!

I was watching for the car, but just like when I'm looking for Cynthia's car and I can't find it because every single car in New Jersey is a small blue four door compact, every single car that passed me was a light plum Saturn, or at least Saturn shaped! I felt as though I was at this permanent state of alertness, like a border collie.

For an hour!

Man, I thought that car would never show! And when it finally did, I was at a pay-phone calling my machine in New Jersey to see if she had left a message for me, you know, saying if she was dead or something, and I looked up and there she was, but she didn't see me and the traffic guy was telling her to move on, so I was struggling to pick up all of my bags and loped after the car yelling "Mom! MOM!"

I mean, if she had had to do another turn around the airport, who knew how much longer that would take?

She finally stopped, and I walked up to the car, leaned in the window, and the first words I spoke to my beloved mother after not seeing her for a whole year were:

"Where the FUCK have you been?!"

Stuck in traffic for two and a half hours is where. Normally it's a 45 minute drive. Welcome to LA!

Today's horoscope:
Take a good look at everyone's responsibilities and rewards around the home scene. Reassigning some tasks can avoid resentment.

One year ago today:
Of course, I still might end up with a lopsided sneer, but it won't be due to the Novocaine.

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Cool wintery logo and graphics by:
Brittly!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Tues 27 December 16:01:09 1998