So yesterday I more or less sat in front of the damn computer all day, watching yet more VH1 Behind the Music (Blondie, KC and the Sunshine Band, Billy Joel, my head is spinning!).

That always makes for a riveting entry!

It was day one of my crit yesterday, and I got some great comments, many of which I immediately started arguing about, though hopefully I will not be construed as being ornery.

A particularly on the mark comment:

"The daily rhythm that you've got going on is pretty good but sometimes I feel like maybe you think you can write just *anything* and your readers will be thankful for it."

And my answer:

"That is something that I am hyper-aware of and try not to fall into that trap, but it is true, I really can, up to a point, put any old shit up there and many people will eat it up happily, at least if they have been reading it for awhile.

I have fallen in a bit, in that I never used to write extensively about my day, because who the hell cares about my day, but now I find myself writing almost exclusively about my day, since people DO care. This does not, however, make it interesting all on its own!

I don't want to have the Ego That Ate New York, and I think I'm in no danger as long as I remember that I am not an intrinsically interesting person, that I have to MAKE things interesting or they are not worth reading."

Most people seem to want me to be more free with my feelings, but there are things that are your business and there are things that are not. I'll give you my stories, but you cannot have my soul.

You're tearing me apart!!!

No, you're not, I'm just being silly. It's funny, though, more than one person commented on the fact that these entries are usually just so many punchlines, funny bits and pieces with nothing behind them, and my reaction was "But that's exactly how I am in real life!"

And then it hit me, that really is exactly how I am in real life. I'm always making jokes and making people laugh, but they don't know me and they don't notice that they don't know me, and, in fact, they don't care that they don't know me.

Why should they? I don't know them, either, and I generally don't want to. My jokes keep me from getting close to people just as much as they keep them from getting close to me. Humour leads to false intimacy, saving me the trouble of dealing with people on a more human level.

My walls are so high, I'm surprised that they are not visible from space, like the Great Wall of China.

Okay, enough bullshit about me (for once). I found a swell new journal, and since you have been very very good lately, I'll give it to you before Christmas.

It's called Never, and it speaks to my secret romantic soul. So far, it's the story of a woman who has just come back into contact with the love of her life, with whom she broke up ten years before.

Personally, I can't resist a story like that.

Today's horoscope:
Too much focus on the past keeps you there. Learn from what has been, but plan for what lies ahead.

One year ago today:
The man must be part yeti!

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Last Updated Mon 7 December 09:23:09 1998