So I got up yesterday morning and I put on a turtleneck sweater and my parka and stomped out bundled up as though I were climbing the North Face, and slowly realized that I was broiling!

It was like 65º! I mean, I'm not complaining, but I wished that I had paid more attention to the actual weather than to the calendar before leaving the house...

Okay, so I have gotten an e-mail or two asking about the Christmas show, and I'd really love to tell the story, but I don't want to spoil it for those of you who plan on attending ( Tracing, for one), so if you are, skip down here.

They gone? Good. It's called Ozark Holiday Legends, and it's a country kind of Christmas show, seven one-acts linked by a narrator, so it is one show.

I'm in two of them, Ol' Mange and The Verse.

In Ol' Mange, a woman (Cynthia) is standing by the window, she hears the screech of brakes, and says "O no, not again! What am I going to tell little Leroy! It's Christmas Eve!" and I come in, profusely apologizing, because I have just run over her son's dog. Not only that, but this is the fifth of little Leroy's dogs that I have killed that year, and the nineteenth altogether, though always without meaning to.

We decide, so as not to ruin little Leroy's Christmas Eve, to claim that Santa Claus needed Mange to sniff out the boys and girls when it's too foggy for Rudolph's light, and that's the story of how Santa got his dog!

The funny thing is that it's an actual true story, that Le, who runs the company and wrote the play and who stands 6'6", once was "little Leroy" and there was a woman named Zoe who ran over all of the dogs in town, including five of his in one year!

The Verse starts with a woman and her retarded daughter cutting out stars for the tree and getting ready to go to the Christmas Eve service where all of the children are going to say a bible verse.

Then, a woman from church comes to the door (that would be me--I'm playing all of the "women coming to the door" roles in this show) and asks that the retarded girl not come to the service, that she not say her verse, because she scares the other children.

The daughter (as the narrator says) dies not too many years later, and the mother never goes back to church. Many years later, when she is old, she goes to the Christmas Eve service, because she knows that she doesn't have much time left, and she wants to say the verse that her daughter had memorized so many years before:

"God is love".

Not a dry eye in the house after that one.

Apparently, Milo has taken it upon himself to visit the family upstairs once or twice a night. He goes up, wanders through the living room, kitchen and dining room, rubbing against everything he can find and yelling up a storm.

The other cats don't come beyond the top of the stairs, though. Or at least, not until last night, when Cynthia and Fran looked up, and Baldrick was in the living room!

Bonnie was sleeping in her carrier, and Baldrick walks over to her and starts to sniff her feet. And he's sniffing them and he's sniffing them, and all of a sudden he starts back in horror and races down the stairs to the safety of my apartment.

Bonnie hadn't twitched or anything, Cynthia says that it was just like he was saying "What's this thing? Is it good to eat? Is it good to play with? Is it good to lay down on? Holy shit, it's alive!!!"

I heard on the news last night that the Republicans have decided not to include Clinton/Gore's campaign financing in the articles of impeachment because they could find no proof of wrongdoing.

Excuse me? They couldn't find proof so they are not pursuing it? What, they suddenly developed standards? Since when has actually having proof of anything had anything whatsoever to do with this whole ridiculous barney?

Talk about changing horses in mid-stream...

Anyone want a Christmas card? All you have to do is ask.
I swear I'm actually sending them out this year!

Today's horoscope:
You can enhance your job security today. Make an investment for the future. Protect and consolidate your gains.

One year ago today:
God bless Nyquil!

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Brittly!

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Last Updated Fri 4 December 11:00:09 1998