I swear, every single word of the following story is true.

So I was walking to the House of Pancakes yesterday, and all of a sudden this guy falls into step beside me and asks "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but is that your real hair colour? 'Cause it's just the most beautiful colour!"

Well, he looked like a nice guy, with one of those open, friendly faces that just look so trustworthy, (like my friend Frank Franconeri who actually used to fuck girls he met on the subway, that's how trustworthy he looked. I imagine that Ted Bundy had that same look!) so I said that no, it was dyed, and we talked about my hair for awhile and introduced ourselves, and then he said:

"Um, are you single?"
"No, I'm not." (not precisely true, I know, but true in my heart if not in reality.)
"Well, could I get your phone number anyway? Or give you mine? Just to be friends--I just want to be near you!"
"No, sorry."
"It's just that you are so beautiful!"
"Well, thanks, it's very sweet of you to say!"
"No, really! Um, I live on such-and-such street!"
"Thanks, bye!"

And we parted company.

When I got to the House of Pancakes, I went into the bathroom and checked the mirror, and I looked dreadful! My hair needed dying, it was filthy, it was scraped back into the kind of ponytail that I only wear when I'm not gonna see anyone that I care to impress, 'cause it makes my face look so fat.

What did that man see when he looked at me?

I don't think that I can quite emphasize enough the fact that I am not the kind of girl that regularly gets chased down the street by cute (if short) guys, telling me I'm beautiful and begging for my phone number. I'm more the kind of girl that guys learn to overlook my astounding physical flaws after becoming attached to my sparkling personality (of course, that doesn't happen terribly often either, it's just alot more likely!).

I told him that I would save his compliment for a rainy day, and I meant it. 'Cause the days can get pretty rainy 'round our way, and the next time I look in the mirror and I'm such a dawg that I have to restrain myself from barking, I'll remember this guy coming up to me and saying (in a completely non-creepy fashion):

"I just want to be near you"!

One year ago today:
"No! No, you're wrong! It's not hot at all!"

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Ian the Terrible!

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Last Updated Mon 10 August 08:32:09 1998