Every so often I find myself saying "Hey, I never get any mean e-mail! All of my friends get hate mail and stalkers and things like that, and I don't get shit! I must not be as popular as I think I am!"

Well, I'll never say that again!

Yesterday, I got an e-mail that was so mean that I just wept like a baby at my desk for half an hour. It was from someone that I like, or it wouldn't have affected me so. Maybe he didn't mean it--he probably didn't mean it. It was probably just a joke, but I don't care, it still really fucking hurt my feelings.

I can dish it out, in generous ladles-full I can dish it out by golly, but I never claimed I could take it, now did I?

I have been invaded by the most enormous ants!

There weren't any ants in Brooklyn. Jersey is starting to pall. And these aren't little, like the ants I had last month--they're each about the size of my thumb! There are about half as many as there were, but they are twice as big; it's as though half of them ate the other half, and eventually there will be only one, but he'll tower over me, bumping his head on the ceiling and demanding steaks.

Anyway, I am reduced to trying to drown them in Lysol, since I keep forgetting to buy actual ant spray. It doesn't work very well--it doesn't so much kill them as make them lemony-fresh and slightly damp.

I was sitting at my desk and I had tied my hair in a knot and Judy passes by and says "Why is your neck all red?" and I was stumped for a minute, but then I remembered that I have a birthmark there!

I mean, I rarely have occasion to look at the back of my neck, or at the small of my back for that matter, so I always forget about my birthmarks.

It just struck me as funny.

How do you know when to throw out a pair of underwear?

I mean, I think it's kind of nasty to throw out a dirty pair, but once I've washed them I figure "Hey, they're clean, why not wear them one more time?"

It is by this method that I have managed to amass a collection of some of the oldest underwear in the continental United States. Swear to God, one pair was carbon dated to the Jurassic era!

Who sent me the "Jersey Shore Mix" tape?

I threw it in my bag when I got it and by the time I listened to it for the first time (yesterday) I had completely forgotten who had sent it to me!

Please please please send me an artists list--I am dying to know who some of these people are!

One year ago today:
"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME MAMI!!!"

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Penny Renée Gray!

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Last Updated Thurs 7 May 13:44:09 1998