I think of all the retarded humiliating things I have ever put on this page , the following is the most retarded and humiliating.

I got this stupid motherfucking chain letter from some retard girl (who thinks I'm a teen) and I won't send it on to anyone because I know that my friends would chew me a new asshole.

But then, the Candyman stood me up yesterday. He rang last night explaining that he had forgotten my phone number so he couldn't call to say that he had been called for a last minute rehearsal so he couldn't see me and blah blah blah.

So I figured that I'd put this stupid thing up here. I figure that it counts as my sending it to unsuspecting people, but it doesn't curse you, the reader, into having to send the fucking thing on! Aren't I clever? Well, it's Amanda who's clever, actually.

Typos faithfully reproduced.

This chain letter started in 1887. It is a love chain letter. In 5 days you are suppose to send it to 25 teens. It is easy, just look into chat rooms and find them. Anyway, send it to 25 teens in 5 days. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I love you" or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!!!!!

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.

Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go

Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissig, it is rude to stare

Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

Article 4: You must make 25 copies within 5 days or you will have bad luck for seven years in relationships

**Remember**
A peach is a peach,
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss without some tounge,
so open up your mouth, close your eyes,
and give your tounge some exercise!!!

here is that catch

e-mail it to

0 people -- nothing too bad will happen?
1-11 people -- you will get a happy surprise!,br> 1-21 people -- someone that likes you will comeout and tell you
1-31 people -- someone that likes you will ask you out
1-41+ people -- YOU WILL SEE ( IT WILL BE GOOD THOUGH )

Am I now the biggest asshole on the web? Sure am! Am I ashamed? Not one goddamn bit!

One year ago today:
I do, however, smell like a very strange fruit salad.

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Last Updated Thurs 23 July 19:34:09 1998