So, yesterday morning I went to renew my passport 'cause I love that extra little thrill you get when you do it at the last minute, and I stand in line for like forever and it's finally my turn so I hippety-hop up to the window and proudly display my baptismal certificate. And promptly got bopped upside the head by the teller.

"Birth certificates only!!" she bawled into my ear.

Of course, I don't have a copy of my birth certificate, and neither does my mother for that matter--the baptismal certificate has always been an acceptable substitute in the past, but o no, it's not good enough for the government!

So I called my Mom and she went to the Birth Certificate Warehouse and ordered up an official copy and she'll pick it up tomorrow and FedEx it to me and I'll get it Thursday and go back to the passport office on my lunch hour. I leave Saturday.

I'm riding that ragged edge of disaster as long as I can...

Finally went to Modell's yesterday to get a new pair of jeans, 'cause if I had worn my old jeans one more time someone would have spared me change (right Javina?).

So I spent twenty minutes trying to shoehorn my fat ass into a pair of jeans (I swear, someday there will be a knock on the door and it'll be the circus asking me if I've ever considered a career in the sideshow) and I finally found a pair that I liked. Admittedly, they're a little wider legged than I like and they're kinda dragging under my heels as well (which is odd considering how tall I am), but they zip up, so they're perfect!

The most extraordinary thing happened yesterday! I cleared my desk!

And I don't mean that I neatened it, I mean that I cleared it! Of work! No, really!! That has never happened before--it's always this never-ending pile of crap that no matter how a chipped away at it, kept being added to. Like shoveling the sea. But I did it! And not only that, but I got to some credit memos that have been sitting on my desk for three months!

I know it will all be back tomorrow, but it was sweet to be able to be done with it and go home.

I was on the subway and I saw someone do the most revolting thing that I have ever seen anyone do in public, and I saw a big fat guy masturbate on the D train once.

It was a very crowded train and we were all squooshed up against each other and the woman next to me kept making these sucking sounds with her tongue against her teeth and poking her fingers in her mouth and stuff, and then she reached in her pocket and got something and I heard this sound like a fishing reel and I though "O no, it can't be true", but it was.

She flossed her teeth. About one inch away from my face.

BLECH!!!

To Do List