Well, I made a hideous error yesterday.
I was over at John's and it was pissing down rain, so I thought I'd hang about and watch a video again. I considered Four Weddings, one of my faves, but I thought that the funeral scene might be difficult to watch, so I chose Little Women, instead.

Big mistake.

And no, it wasn't Beth's death scene, though that broke me up, but it was an earlier scene that got me, one that I have never really noticed before. It's Christmas, and Beth just got the piano, and the father comes home from the war, and everyone's just so happy, and Amy gets down on the floor and hugs his feet. And I was suddenly hit by an overwhelming wish that it was my father who was coming home.

But he will never come home again. And I was thinking that I would give anything if he would, and that is not just a figure of speech, I really would give anything, anything at all to see him or talk to him again, and I was crying so hard that I could barely think--harder than I have since the day he died, actually.

It was like losing him all over again.

Sorry, I don't feel like writing three other things today.
See you tomorrow.

I promise I'll be funny then...

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