4 July
So yesterday, after doing almost nothing all day at work (that place was like a ghost town after 2p, man) I thought for a change, I'd go to the movies!
Ha ha ho.
Anyway, I went to see The Lost World, not because I particularly wanted to, but because it's THE LAW. And boy, did it bite. So to speak.
I got there early and staked out my front row seat, sending away anyone who wanted to sit in a five foot vicinity around me with the force of my eye beams, and the lights went down and I breathed a sigh of relief and then this couple stomped in, sat directly behind me, and started to talk. I fumed and fumed, but as the horror that was this film staggered on, I wished that they would talk louder because their conversation had to have been more interesting than what was on the screen.
Now, I've been in love with Jeff Goldblum since 1978, and my main objection to Jurassic Park (besides that it wasn't violent enough) was that Jeff was jettisoned from the film too early, so the fact that he and his loopy line readings were all through this film was swell by me, and Swinger-Boy was okay, and I liked the little girl and Pete Postelthwaite but my God, the plot. Any plot that hinges on everyone in the movie being dumb as a rock you can only take so long, you know?
Plus, how can it be news to the man who made Jaws that it's much scarier if you don't show the monster?! I mean, the scene in the trailer was one of the better scenes in the film for just that very reason, though it did go on too long. Because of this, there was only one scream in the whole film (which felt about 19 hours long, but that may have just been my perception), which was when they were digging under the wall. One scream ain't good enough, baby.
Small annoying wrong things: When Jeff Goldblum was on the subway, a map was in a place that a map never is, never has been and never will be, and no-one ever used a lens cap on their camera. This is the sort of thing that bugs the shit out of me.
Also, the guy playing the Englishman was so clearly not English that the part of the film I enjoyed the most was the credit "Mr. Howard's Dialect Coach" because it proved me right!
Basically, I'm looking at my very hard to read notes, and I keep seeing things like "Tiresome", "Leaves me cold", "My God it's dull", "That 'footsteps making the water shake when the dinosaur is coming' bit is getting really old", and "There's this squishy sound when an entire audience rolls their eyes as one" which I think I wrote after the scene where the boat was coming right at everybody and they all just stood there gaping.
My capsule review: Yawn.
I was thinking while I watched the movie that if I had to save my life by climbing a rope I'd be fucked. I have all these horrible President's Physical Fitness Test memories of kind of hanging from my noodle-like arms, unable to get even an inch off of the ground. And I was in much better shape then!
If I'm ever being chased by a monster, I sure hope there's a ladder or something.
So, the other day Iris comes up to me and says "Since we're off on Friday, does that mean that Thursday is casual day?" and I said
"Well, you know, every day is casual day to me!"
I think that the last office Iris worked in was MUCH more formal than this one!
Things I keep forgetting to say:
1. Go see the two journal 'burb lists that I run,
Funny Pages and
No Spring Chicken, for on-line journals that are humourous or written by people over thirty. Or have a look at
The Squirrel's
Journal List of all the other 'burbs.
Note the new URL, the old one is VERY BAD AND WRONG!!!
2. In this week's TV Guide there is an article about the 100 best episodes of all time, and #6 on the list is the Honeymooner's episode that my Da did!
Isn't that cool?
3. I was Jan's #2000 the other day! I NEVER get to do that!
4. The new Electzine is out!
So read the swell article that I pulled out of my ass twenty minutes before deadline!
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Last Updated Tues 11 August 22:38:09 1998