15 January
Stupid stupid stupid!!! Me that is...
I've got a crush on this guy, the Engine, and I heard him say something tonight that leads me to believe that he might be gay. And I'm really mad, not at him of course, but at myself, because I do this all the time. And it's not as though if he weren't gay he would particularly care for me, Lord knows, it's just that I wasted mental energy on this thing.
My mother said to me the other day "How's your love life?", a sentence I loathe for several reasons, not the least of which is because she knows perfectly well that if I had one she'd know about it. And she's asking me why? Because I've given up? Because I'm not trying? Why? And I can hardly say it's because nobody wants me, because that would mean that she'd have to try and chuff me up and talk me out of it when it's like talking me out of being tall. I may not like it, but it's true and there's nothing to be done about it.
And I'm tired of being alone.
Well, that's enough overt emotion for one day.
Back to our regular programming.
I woke up yesterday all rested and happy, and then I knew that something HAD to be wrong! I looked at the clock, and it was 8.30, an hour and a half after I'm supposed to get up.
Waking up too happy on a weekday is ALWAYS a bad sign.
Last night, I noticed that I had a couple of zits on my jawline, so I put some tea tree oil on them before I went to bed. Well, Milo comes over next to my head to be petted like he always does, but then he stopped dead, sniffed at my jaw, then started lapping at the tea tree oil. I pushed him away, and he went into this absolute frenzy! Apparently, the effects of ingesting tea tree oil are similar to those of catnip, and he went into this rubbing and licking and purring thing that would have been adorable had he not been doing all of that directly in my face. I finally had to not only put the comforter over my head, but tuck it in all around until he finally got bored with bumping against my skull, which was after about twenty minutes.
I think that may be it for the tea tree oil...
Hey, hey, I'm listed in Willa's Other Journals list! Of course, I had to write and beg, but I'm not proud.
She used as my example a story about Baldrick from 3 January that I thought was pretty good when I originally wrote it, but seeing it up there among all those other clips representing me, it looks a little cutesy-woo, but maybe I'm more cutesy-woo than I thought.
And better that than one of the REALLY MEAN ones!
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Last Updated Wed 19 August 20:48:09 1998