10 January

I had 41 seconds worth of hot water for my shower this morning.
I have become the master of the lightning-fast shower.

Last night I saw two free press screenings. I NEEDED to get home and get a decent amount of sleep, but did I? Sure didn't!

And I am about to be VERY BAD and completely rescind on my agreement not to publish anything about said movies by reviewing them both below.

The first one was a formulaic by the numbers piece of crap called Metro, starring Eddie Murphy. Have we not seen enough loose cannon loner iconoclast cops with a gambling problem and a busted marriage who is still in love with his ex-wife who divorced him because he just couldn't share his feelings who loses his partner and is given a new partner whom he doesn't want and whose best friend is killed by an Energizer Bunny villain who threatens his ex and whom he vows to take down and avenge his friend and bonds with his new partner in the process? If you can't think of at least five films with that same premise in the time I take to blink, then you might enjoy Metro, as you must not go to the movies all that often. Anyone else who has seen a cop film in the last twenty years, you might find it a little tired. If you cannot accurately predict every plot point ten minutes before it occurs, you are too stupid to live. The only really great thing in this film is the villain, played by Michael Winslow (I think that's his name) who just tears up the world.

I'll sum the movie up as such: it takes alot of guts to pull the old woman-tied-to-the-railroad tracks gag these days, but that still doesn't make it a good idea.

The second film, Grosse Pointe Blank, was the polar opposite of Metro. This film is a blacker-than-black comedy without a predictable scene in it, and I was just on the edge of my seat, grinning with the joy of being surprised. The film started with the song I Can See Clearly Now, and the entire audience was singing along at the top of their lungs; an auspicious beginning. The basic plot is that of a hitman who goes home for his high-school reunion, starring John Cusak, and it is romantic and violent and flat out hilarious. If there is any justice, Grosse Pointe Blank should FINALLY make John Cusak the star that he should have become after Say Anything. He looks like a combination of Paul McCartney and Elvis Costello, and he is so extremely sexy and personable and engaging that he manages to be likeable even when he's killing people. Eddie Murphy sure couldn't. John Cusak plays longing better than any other actor. When women in the audience see him look at his leading lady, they think "I want someone to look at me that way; I want someone to long for me that much.

And any film that uses the song Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes TWICE is just fine by me.

Do yourself a favour people: as soon as it opens, run don't walk.

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Last Updated Wed 19 August 20:48:09 1998