5 August
So yesterday Diane comes up to me and says "You know that memo? Well, Linda gave it to Joe to sign and he wasn't happy at all and he went in to talk to Dave about it, and if you want to send out a memo then Dave is going to have to approve it first!"
Sigh...I'm not going to bother, of course, because I couldn't care less if I tried with a stick, but I think this shows remarkable uptightness on the part of Joe, whom I never have pegged as such. I just think that people remember things better if told them in a funny way rather than as a dry list of rules. And besides, the expense reports that people turn in are appalling, and I wanted to try and rectify that.
But the point is that neither Joe or Dave told me all day that they were mad at me, so every time I saw them I grinned sweetly and was really nice and ingenuous. Really really nice and ingenuous, not sicky sweet. And why?
Guilt, baby!
They felt awful that they had been so mean about such an adorable and friendly person such as myself and were extra-nice to me all day long.
Being passive-aggressive is a wonderful tool.
So I was in the store trying to get a 16 oz Pepsi, but all there was was Diet Pepsi. So thought I'd get a 1 liter Pepsi, but all there was Diet Pepsi. There were plenty of 2 liter Pepsis, but I thought that would be a bit much to bring back to my office and swig out of the bottle with my slice of pizza, so I grabbed a Sprite instead. When I got to the counter, I asked the girl when they would get more PEPSI, and before she could say a word the guy behind me piped in "Yeah! When're you getting more PEPSI?" and I turned around to see if he was making fun of me, but it was an angry-looking man wielding an orange soda like a club, and I knew that he wanted his Pepsi and he wanted it now!
So we started badgering the clerk "WE WANT PEPSI!! WE WANT PEPSI!!" banging our second choice sodas on the counter until they exploded and the clerk started to cry.
Well...that last bit might be a slight exaggeration. But only slightly.
Why o why do people keep putting loaded guns into their carry-on luggage, skipping blithely to the airport, putting it into the X-Ray machine, and then being shocked, shocked I tell you, that they are carried away in chains!
It's not as though it's some sort of secret law! How stupid are these people?
Here is my tribute to William Burroughs. Sleep well, Bill.
One year ago today:
Matt Lauer's chest hair.
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Last Updated Fri 7 August 18:22:09 1998