Yesterday I started to slash and burn my way through my living room (I may only be moving in three months, but if I don't start culling now then I'll never be done in time!), and I decided to go into the city and get some boxes.

And I also decided that if I don't start turning in my pop bottles right this instant then I'd have to move with them, so I brought twenty bottles with me as well. You see, I don't like turning in bottles to a store, as it's such an imposition--I like to put them into machines, but there aren't any near my house. Near my job, there is a machine, but I also thought it would be completely silly to take a 45 minute subway ride in order to get my nickels back.

Which is why I haven't turned any in for about two years. If not longer.

So anyway, I brought in my pop bottles, went to the Food Emporium, got my dollar, did a little shopping, stopped by my office, checked some diaries (why go home and do it? It's a much faster connection at work!), then called the stationary store...

...and they're closed Saturdays.

So, you could think of it as though I took a three dollar round trip to turn in a dollars worth of pop bottles, but I did do some grocery shopping and got some stuff that is unavailable round my neighbourhood.

But one would think that I would be capable of making that call before I actually left the house!

I popped into the Hallmark to see if they had any damn boxes, but they didn't. And I was trying to get out, but there were these two guys blocking the aisle and I was sort of whispering excuse me...excuse me until they moved enough for me to pass, and when I was walking down the street afterwards I thought of a really great thing to say in such a situation.

"Hey baby, do you have an ETA on when you're getting the fuck out of my way, or should I have brought a book?"

I personally will never have the nerve to actually open my mouth and say that, but I thought I'd post it here as a public service. Use it if you can!

So I was exiting the subway station, going up in the elevator, and there were three other people in with me.

I wasn't really paying any attention, but two of them, a man and a woman, appeared to be together, and then the man asks the other person alone (i.e. not me) if she could spare some change for the homeless. And he did it in a really sweet tone of voice, too, not in a "We're in an elevator and I can get you" kind of voice.

So she was digging in her pocket and I was reading my magazine, and then the homeless woman piped up "That's a really nice earring in your nose, ma'am." and I looked up and smiled and said thank you, and she went on to say "Do you have a spare one? 'Cause I need one, see? My nose is pierced." and I looked at her and she indeed did have a piercing in her nose, but I told her that I was sorry, but this was the only ring I had.

And we all exited the elevator and I was walking down the street and it struck me that I've been asked to spare some change or some food plenty of times, but I have never in my life ever been asked to spare a nosering before!

Okay, here's a tip for all you ladies out there wearing tank tops for the summer:

Avoid stubble!

If you don't shave at all that's cool, but you should either have the pits clean shaven or the full rabbi's beard--nothing in-between.

I hope we've cleared that up.

One year ago today:
Tommy LaSorda left the Dodgers.

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Last Updated Fri 7 August 18:22:09 1998