Brian Hempstead is a shit.

He's a sales rep at The Company That Must Not Be Named, and whenever he calls and I'm on the phones, we always talk for ages, and he always flirts with me, and I really like him. Well, he came to the office yesterday, and I was with Diane and he came to the doorway and stood about two feet or less from me and said "Hi, Diane" and I said "Hey, Brian!" and he said...

NOTHING!

And walked away!

Now, I'm almost certain that I'm not invisible, so all I can conclude is that that was a BIG DIS! And I ignored him strenuously for the rest of the day.

Creep...

Saw Waiting For Guffman on Sunday. What a horrible movie.

Well, maybe that's a little harsh, but it just wasn't good enough. And I was really looking forward to it, too. It wasn't all bad--the My Dinner With Andre action figures were funny, and there was a throwaway shot at the beginning of a movie theatre playing a double feature of Like Water For Chocolate and Time Cop, but these moments were few and far between.

The problem was twofold. Firstly, the acting was too broad and over the top, which would have been fine in an ordinary comedy, but this was supposed to be a mock documentary, and it just didn't work. It's much funnier when an actor is pretending to be a bad actor or singer or whatever and they're just a little off--when they're just spectacularly bad and everyone else on the screen is going "Wow, that's GREAT!" you don't think "Gee, that's hilarious!" you think "What a bunch of assholes."

Secondly, the central premise of the film, that a producer was flying in from New York too see this amateurish piece of silliness and bring it to Broadway is beyond the pale.

In what universe is this occurring? Not this one.

And because the story had completely left reality, it just wasn't funny. If you look at the great films in this genre, Spinal Tap, Real Life, True Stories, there is always one foot in reality and it works and it's hilarious. You say "Yes, it's just like that!" Watching Christopher Guest and Catherine O'Hara and Fred Willard and Eugene Levy ham it up all over the screen will not prompt those words from anybody sane.

The best performances come from the lesser known actors, Lewis Arquette, Bob Balaban, Larry Miller, and Parker Posey (I know it's no longer fashionable to dig her, but she's really swell in this, and boasts the only good Missouri accent).

I must add, however, that I was by far in the minority in the audience--everyone else was pissing themselves.

Hit number 6000 has come and gone and the hitter was...

Melody!

I knew it'd be her or Josh or Lucy or somebody, it always work out that way.

When I go into a bank after hours and I'm by myself, I always like to sing Cowtown or whatever is going through my head at the time, at the top of my lungs because the acoustics are so good.

I wonder if the security cameras have sound, and if so, what must the guards be thinking...

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