Saw that bondage fetishist's dream come true, The Return of the Jedi, last night, and I gotta tell ya...

It's always been by far the least of the Star Wars films, but especially when seen right after the other two. It definitely needs a few years between then to seem anything but graceless, unsubtle, and frenetic.

And what I want to know is while they were restoring, fixing, fiddling and fussing, why they hell they couldn't improve on some of those ham-handed blue-screen effects! Like the ones with Luke and that monster in the pit at Jabba's? I swan, I've seen better blue screen effects on Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Other things that could definitely be improved upon were Luke's amazin' morphin' hair colour (my God, it's BLACK in some scenes!), the fact that James Earl Jones sounds hugely different in every film, like he couldn't remember what Darth's voice was like, and, ummm...open flames in space are unlikely. Not to mention Vader's stupid fat face and his going all soft at the end and all, but some things one can only wish for.

The thing that gets up my nose the most, though, is that hideous scene with Han and Leia when he says to her Do you love him and she says Yes, with this undertone of "like duhhh" in her voice, and then she says He's my brother in this gently chiding, like he's supposed to know, and like she didn't only find out herself about ten minutes before.
And, of course, when Luke tells her and she says "I know...Somehow, I've always known", which begs the question, why'd you make out with him in Empire?

But, it is fun, Kymm says grudgingly. There's the hilarious Emperor, and I know we're not allowed to like the Ewoks, but they really are awfully cute.

I'm wondering something, though. How do you find one person in a whole star system? In Empire, Luke says "We're going to the Degoba system to find Yoda".

I'd be hard pressed to find Yoda if all of the information that I had was that he was on the East Side, let alone out of a whole star system.

There were trailers for Lost World and Volcano before the film, and they look pretty good, but they have to--they're trailers.

Lost World seems to address the two main quibbles I had with Jurassic park: not violent enough (that's not a joke, it seemed kind of half-assed to me) and not anything like enough Jeff Goldblum.

And in re Volcano, Tommy Lee Jones vs a volcano is no contest, baby.

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